The Feeble Variety Hour theatre troupe is rehearsing with hopes of finding success through being picked up for a syndicated television show. Star singer Heidi is insulted by pornographic director Trevor and complains to her boss and lover Bletch, who is having an affair with Samantha. Robert, the troupe's newest member, arrives at the theatre and immediately falls in love with newcomer Lucille. Arthur, the show's manager, helps Robert serenade Lucille, and the two become engaged. Samantha scornfully reveals to Heidi her relationship with Bletch. Animal tamer Sid is visited by his ex-girlfriend Sandy who reveals he has a son named Seymour and is preparing a paternity case. Bletch and his henchman Barry consummate a drug deal with dealer Cedric. Star Harry is suffering from an unknown illness, diagnosed as terminal, and is harassed by reporter F.W. Fly, who ultimately reports his illness to the tabloids. Robert is reassigned to assist drug-addicted knife-thrower Wynyard, who reveals he is a Vietnam veteran and convinces Robert to give him money for drugs under the pretext of charity. Bletch expresses dissatisfaction with Trevor's latest porn film, and Trevor sets his sights on Lucille as his new porn star. Trevor drugs and tries to rape Lucille, but is caught by Robert; believing that Lucille had made a move on Trevor, Robert disowns her. After a poor rehearsal and lambasted by director Sebastian, Heidi rushes to Bletch for emotional affirmation, but walks in on him with Samantha. Heidi refuses to perform, but relents after Bletch feigns attraction to her. Cedric's drugs are delivered but turn out to be borax. Travelling to the docks to retrieve the actual drugs, Bletch, Trevor, and Barry kill Cedric and his associates, but Barry is killed in the process. After seeing a newspaper article about Harry's illness, Bletch retaliates by killing Fly. Lucille tries to convince Robert of her love for him, but he tells her he never wants to see her again. Heidi's successful performance grants the Feebles approval for a syndicated television show. Heidi attempts to seduce Bletch, but Bletch confesses to Heidi that he hates her and wants to give her role to Samantha. Heidi mentally breaks down. Things go awry during the performances. An ailing Harry vomits, Sid is accosted by Sandy with Seymour, and a high Wynyard accidentally kills himself with one of his knives. After a failed attempt at hanging herself, Heidi prepares to commit suicide with an M60 machine gun. Samantha walks in and taunts Heidi, causing Heidi to snap and shoot Samantha dead. In a desperate attempt to save the show, Sebastian puts on a failed musical number about sodomy. Heidi goes on a shooting spree throughout the theatre, killing many of the troupe. Harry is killed after finding out his illness is not terminal, Sid is shot in the kneecaps while saving Seymour after Sandy is killed, and Sebastian hides in Harry's giant carrot-rocket which crashes in the chaos. Robert rescues Lucille from being shot and professes that he still loves her as Lucille tells him the truth about Trevor. Bletch attempts to talk Heidi into surrendering, but she opens fire on him. An injured Bletch claims that he loves Heidi before Trevor incapacitates her with a shotgun. Bletch orders Trevor to kill Heidi, but Robert intervenes by colliding with Trevor, allowing Heidi to shoot him dead. Bletch lunges at Heidi, but is killed too. Arthur tells Heidi that he has regrettably informed the police. Heidi accepts this and makes a last request for her musical number to be played. A photographic postscript reveals that Sid had surgery on his kneecaps and works in an orchard as a struggling horticulturist with his son Seymour. Arthur received an OBE for his lifelong service to theatre and retired to the country. Sebastian achieved worldwide fame for his best-selling book about the massacre, and is currently negotiating the film rights. Robert and Lucille are married with two children, with Robert now an award-winning fashion photographer for a women's magazine. After serving 10 years in a female penitentiary, Heidi has been rehabilitated into the community and works under a new identity on the check-out of a supermarket.

In the small town of West Canaan, Texas, Jonathan "Mox" Moxon is an academically gifted backup quarterback for the 3A high school Varsity football team, the West Canaan Coyotes. Despite his relative popularity at school, easy friendships with other players, and a relationship with girlfriend Jules Harbor, Mox is dissatisfied with his life. Wanting to leave Texas and attend Brown University, he constantly clashes with his football-obsessed father, Sam. He dreads playing under legendary coach Bud Kilmer, a verbally abusive and domineering authoritarian who believes in winning at all costs. Kilmer's philosophy finally takes its toll when he pushes the Coyotes' star quarterback, Lance Harbor, Mox's best friend and Jules' older brother, into taking painkilling shots into an injured knee. This leads to Lance injuring the knee further during a game, partly because Kilmer had forced offensive lineman Billy Bob to continue playing despite a concussion. At the hospital, the doctors, appalled at the massive amount of scar tissue found under his knee, explain that recovery will take at least a year and a half, costing Lance his football scholarship to Florida State. Mox, who has accompanied Lance, is shocked when Kilmer denies his role in Lance's injury, even though he ordered the trainer to provide the painkillers. Needing a new quarterback, Kilmer reluctantly names Mox to replace Lance as team captain and starting quarterback, which brings unexpected dividends for Mox. Wanting to marry someone leaving West Canaan to escape small-town life, Darcy Sears, Lance's cheerleader girlfriend, shows sexual interest in Mox and even attempts to seduce him with a whipped cream " bikini " over her otherwise naked body, but he gently rebuffs her, telling her that she can independently escape West Canaan. Disgusted with Kilmer and not strongly needing to win, Mox starts calling his own plays on the field without Kilmer's approval and also organizes an all night drinking party with his close friends on the team at a local strip club the night before a game. Fed up with the pressure from Sam, Mox chides him. Sam had been a football player at West Canaan, and although Kilmer dismissed him for lacking talent and courage, Sam still respected and obeyed him. When Kilmer discovers that Mox has won a full academic scholarship to Brown, he threatens to alter Mox's transcripts to endanger his scholarship unless he falls in line. Kilmer's disregard for the players continues, leading to Billy Bob's dramatic mental collapse. When star running back Wendell Brown, another friend of Mox's, is injured in the district title game, Kilmer persuades him to take a shot of cortisone to deaden the pain in his knee, allowing Wendell to continue at risk of more serious, and perhaps even permanent, injury. Desperate to be recruited by a good college, Wendell almost consents when Mox intervenes and tells Kilmer he will quit if the procedure continues. Undaunted, Kilmer orders wide receiver Charlie Tweeder, a friend of both Mox and Wendell, to replace Mox, but Tweeder refuses. Mox tells Kilmer that the team will only return to the field without him. Realizing that he will be forced to forfeit the game, an angered Kilmer physically assaults Mox, but the other players intercede and then refuse to take to the field. Knowing his outburst has cost him his credibility, Kilmer tries unsuccessfully to rally support and spark the team's trust in him, but none of the players follow him out of the locker room. Kilmer retreats alone to his office in defeat, abandoning the team to their fate. Using a five-receiver offense in the second half, the Coyotes proceed to win the game and the district championship without Kilmer's guidance, owing to Lance calling the plays from the sideline, and Billy Bob scoring the game-winning touchdown on a hook-and-ladder play. In a voice-over epilogue, Mox recounts several characters' aftermaths: Kilmer left town and never coached again, but his statue remained due to its weight; after the game, Tweeder drank beer and Billy Bob cried in celebration; Lance became a successful football coach, Wendell received a football scholarship to Grambling State University, and Mox went on to attend Brown on an academic scholarship.

A young boy named Solomon narrates the events of the tornado that devastated the city of Xenia, Ohio. A mute adolescent boy, known as Bunny Boy, wears only pink bunny ears, shorts, and tennis shoes on an overpass in the rain. A boy carries a cat by the scruff of its neck, and then drowns it in a barrel of water. The film then cuts to a different scene with Tummler — a friend of Solomon — in a wrecked car with a girl. They fondle each other, and Tummler realizes there is a lump in one of the girl's breasts. Tummler and Solomon then ride down a hill on bikes. In narration, Solomon describes Tummler as a boy with "a marvelous persona", whom some people call "downright evil". Later, Tummler aims an air rifle at a cat. Solomon stops him from killing the cat, protesting that it is a housecat. They leave and the camera follows the cat to its owners' house. The cat is owned by three sisters: teenagers, Dot and Helen, and pre- pubescent Darby. The film cuts back to Tummler and Solomon hunting feral cats, which they deliver to a local grocer who intends to butcher and sell them to a local Chinese restaurant. The grocer tells them that they have a rival in the cat-killing business. Tummler and Solomon buy glue from the grocer, which they use to get high via huffing. The film then cuts to a scene in which two foul-mouthed young boys dressed as cowboys destroy things in a junkyard. Bunny Boy arrives and the other boys pretend to shoot him dead with cap guns. Bunny Boy plays dead and the boys curse at his corpse, rifle through his pockets, then remove and throw one of his shoes. They grow bored with this and leave Bunny Boy sprawled on the ground. Tummler and Solomon track down a local boy who is poaching "their" cats. The poacher, named Jarrod Wiggley, is poisoning the cats, rather than shooting them. When Tummler and Solomon break into Jarrod's house with masks and weapons with intent to hurt him, they find photos of the young teen cross-dressing and his elderly grandmother, who is catatonic and attached to life support machinery. Jarrod is forced to care for her, which he had earlier opined was "disgusting". Seeing that Jarrod is not home, Tummler and Solomon decide to leave. Tummler then discovers the grandmother lying in her bed, states that it is "no way to live", and turns off the life support machine. A number of other scenes are interspersed throughout the film, including: an intoxicated man (played by Korine) flirting with a male dwarf; a man pimping his disabled sister to Solomon and Tummler; the sisters encountering an elderly child molester; a pair of twin boys selling candy door-to-door; a brief conversation with a tennis player who is treating his ADHD; a long scene of Solomon eating dinner while taking a bath in dirty water; a drunken party with arm- and chair-wrestling; and two skinhead brothers boxing each other in their kitchen. There are also a number of even smaller scenes depicting Satanic rituals, footage seemingly from home movies, and conversations containing racial bigotry. The penultimate scene in the movie is set to the song " Crying " by Roy Orbison, which had been previously mentioned by Tummler as the song his older sibling, who was transgender, would sing (the sibling eventually went to the "Big City" and abandoned him). It begins with Bunny Boy kissing the teenage sisters in a swimming pool, then cuts to Solomon and Tummler shooting the sisters' cat repeatedly with their air rifles in the rain. After showing some home video footage of tornadoes, it cuts to Bunny Boy running towards the camera through a field holding the body of the dead cat, which he shows to the audience, breaking the fourth wall. The final scene shows a girl, who shaved her eyebrows earlier in the movie, singing " Jesus Loves Me " in bed next to her mother (or sister). The film finally cuts to black as the girl singing is told to "dial it down" and go to bed.

In rural North Carolina, Ricky Bobby is born in the backseat of a speeding Chevrolet Chevelle when his father, Reese, misses the turnoff for the hospital. Ricky sees Reese only once after that, at age 10, for career day at his school. Reese tells Ricky, "If you ain't first, you're last", advice which Ricky takes to heart. Fifteen years later, Ricky works on the pit crew of Dennit Racing driver Terry Cheveaux. When last-placed Cheveaux decides to take a bathroom break, Ricky replaces him and finishes third. Larry Dennit Sr. gives Ricky a permanent seat and he quickly rises to be one of NASCAR 's most successful drivers. He meets his future wife Carley when she flashes her breasts after one of his wins. Ricky persuades Dennit to field a second team for his best friend, Cal Naughton Jr., and they become an unstoppable duo using their "Slingshot" drafting technique on the track. Ricky's newfound arrogance, however, irritates Dennit's alienated son, who retaliates by adding talented, openly gay French Formula One driver Jean Girard to the team. Girard not only taunts Ricky, but outperforms him and becomes Dennit's top driver. Desperate to beat Girard, Ricky crashes at Lowe's Motor Speedway. Although unscathed, he is traumatized and hospitalized. Fearful of wrecking again, his performance drastically declines and Dennit fires him. Carley leaves him for Cal, who still considers Ricky his best friend, but Ricky insists that their friendship is over. Ricky and his two unruly sons, Walker and Texas Ranger, move in with Ricky's disciplinarian mother Lucy, who is determined to reform the boys. Ricky takes a job delivering pizzas, but after he loses his driver's license he is reduced to delivering pizza by bus or by bicycle. When his life hits rock bottom, Reese returns and uses unorthodox methods (including putting a live cougar in his car) to help Ricky regain his confidence and get a new license. After causing trouble at an Applebee's restaurant, Reese abandons the family again. Before he does, he refutes his quote that has steered Ricky's life, confessing that it was nonsense because he was high on drugs at the time. Ricky's former assistant, Susan, persuades him to return to NASCAR and they quickly develop a romantic relationship. On race day at Talladega Superspeedway, Ricky is reunited with his pit crew, who have emblazoned Ricky's unsponsored car with a cougar and the word "ME" to build his self-confidence. Ricky meets with Girard, who confesses that he came to America hoping to lose to a superior driver so he can finally retire. Ricky also makes amends with Cal. During the race, Ricky climbs from last to second behind Girard. In the final laps, however, Dennit orders Cal to knock Ricky out of the race. Cal refuses and instead helps Ricky pass Girard. Dennit then orders Ricky's replacement driver, Brian Wavecrest, to take Cal out, causing a massive wreck that eliminates everyone except Ricky and Girard. On the final lap, Ricky and Girard collide, wrecking their cars. They hastily exit their vehicles and run towards the finish line. Ricky dives across the line first, and Girard offers him a handshake, but Ricky responds by kissing him on the lips. Both drivers, however, are disqualified for exiting their cars. Cal, who was in third place, is declared the winner. Following his victory, Cal and Ricky reconcile, and Reese congratulates Ricky, who says that it was no longer about winning, since his family loves him no matter where he finishes. Ricky, his family and Susan leave to go to Applebee's. In a post credits scene, Lucy is shown reading a William Faulkner story to Walker and Texas Ranger, both of whom are now respectful, sophisticated children.

Nerdy freshmen Lewis Skolnick and Gilbert Lowe enroll at Adams College in Tucson to study computer science, meet women, and become adults. The jock Alpha Beta fraternity, led by star quarterback Stan Gable, accidentally burns down its house and, with Coach Harris's support, violently takes over the freshman dormitory as a replacement, forcing Lewis, Gilbert, and the other new students to live in the gym. While many students are taken in by fraternities, Stan's girlfriend, Betty Childs, tricks Lewis and Gilbert into pledging Alpha Beta, leading to their hazing and humiliation. Despite this, Lewis becomes attracted to Betty, while Gilbert grows close to fellow nerd Judy. Out of options, Lewis, Gilbert, and their fellow nerds—including shy genius Arnold Poindexter, child prodigy Harold Wormser, lewd misfit Dudley "Booger" Dawson, flamboyant Lamar Latrelle, and quiet outsider Toshiro Takashi—rent and renovate a dilapidated house near campus. They attempt to form their own fraternity but are rejected by the college's Greek Council, presided over by Stan, because they lack backing from a national fraternity. After being turned down by numerous fraternities because of their nerd status, they are finally, and reluctantly, accepted on probationary status by the Black fraternity Lambda Lambda Lambda (the Tri-Lambs), led by U.N. Jefferson. Learning that the nerds are planning a party to impress Jefferson, Stan has Betty and her Pi Delta Pi sorority sisters trick them into thinking they will attend, only to abandon them. Desperate, Judy invites her own Omega Mu sorority—made up of nerdy women—to attend instead. The party is initially dull, as most attendees are shy, until Booger brings cannabis, which leads to dancing, fun, and hookups. The Alpha Betas and Pi Delta Pi then sabotage the party by releasing pigs into the house. Although disheartened, the nerds retaliate by installing surveillance cameras to spy on the naked Pi Delta Pis and by pouring liquid heat into the Alpha Betas' jockstraps. Impressed that the nerds have stood up for themselves, Jefferson grants them full membership. However, Alpha Beta's harassment continues, and Stan blocks any attempt by the Greek Council to sanction them. The nerds conclude that the only way to gain justice is to replace Stan as Council president by winning the Homecoming carnival. Partnering with the Omega Mus, they use ingenuity and technical skills to compensate for their lack of athletic ability in competitions against the Alpha Betas and Pi Delta Pis. At the charity fundraiser, the nerds outsell the Alpha Betas by selling pies containing nude photos of Betty and other Pi Delta Pis. Lewis, having fallen in love with Betty, steals Stan's mask and costume and seduces her, believing he is Stan. When the truth emerges, Betty—impressed by Lewis's physical attentiveness—has a change of heart and falls for him. The nerds then dominate the musical competition with a technology-themed electronic performance, securing overall victory, after which Lewis nominates Gilbert as the new Greek Council president. Enraged at losing to the nerds, Coach Harris berates the Alpha Betas, and Stan leads them in vandalizing the Tri-Lamb house. The nerds are left despondent until Gilbert interrupts the Homecoming pep rally to protest their treatment. The Alpha Betas attempt to stop him, but Jefferson arrives with a large group of national Tri-Lamb members, intimidating them and allowing Gilbert to deliver a speech on embracing differences and standing up to prejudice. Lewis, the other Tri-Lambs, alumni, Judy, and Betty join in supporting him, publicly shaming the Alpha Betas. An emboldened Dean Ulich then orders that the Tri-Lambs move into the Alpha Beta house, while the Alpha Betas must live in the gym until they repair the damage to the Tri-Lamb house.

Unemployed brothers Bob and Doug McKenzie screen a poorly made film they have produced. When the disappointed patrons become hostile, the brothers release a jar of moths into the theater, which disrupts the showing and allows them to escape without issuing refunds, although they do give one refund to two crying children, which turns out to be the beer money their father gave them. The next day, the two place a live mouse in an empty beer bottle in an attempt to blackmail the local beer store into giving them free beer from Elsinore Brewery, but they are told to take their complaint to Elsinore Brewery's management. When they do so, they are given jobs on the bottling line inspecting for mice in bottles. Meanwhile, the evil Brewmeister Smith is developing a plan to take over the world by adulterating Elsinore beer with a mind control drug which, while rendering the consumer docile, also makes them vulnerable to mind control when certain tones are played. Smith tests this spiked beer on patients of the neighbouring Royal Canadian Institute for the Mentally Insane, which is connected to the brewery by tunnels. Bob and Doug learn that the brewery's former owner, John Elsinore, has recently died under mysterious circumstances and his daughter Pam has inherited the family castle and been given full control of the brewery. While exploring the massive complex, they find a shuttered cafeteria containing an old Galactic Border Patrol video game, which supernaturally reveals that Brewmeister Smith murdered John Elsinore and that Pam's bumbling Uncle Claude was involved. Bob recognizes a brewery employee as former hockey great Jean "Rosie" LaRose, who suffered a career-ending nervous breakdown and has fallen under Smith's control. Eventually, Bob and Doug wander into the Brewmeister's operations room while he is away, and Doug takes a floppy disk containing a video of John Elsinore's murder (thinking it is a " new wave EP bootleg " and not realizing the importance of its contents). Smith and Claude tranquilize the brothers and arrange to frame them for murder, concealing Pam and her father's friend, Henry Green, in beer kegs in the back of their sabotaged van, and instruct the brothers to deliver the kegs to a party. Unable to stop, the brothers careen into Lake Ontario. All survive (Pam with apparent memory loss), and the brothers are arrested. The brothers' bizarre antics at their trial cause the judge to declare them insane and put them under Brewmeister Smith's care at the asylum. Rosie soon finds them and helps them escape, and they find and rescue Pam. Having figured out the Brewmeister's plan, Rosie foments an uprising among the brainwashed mental-patient test subjects. The brothers separate for the first time in their lives. Doug and a group of asylum inmates help capture Claude, while Rosie and another group overpower Brewmeister Smith. The spirit of John Elsinore, possessing the brewery's electrical system, electrocutes Smith when he is shoved against his light-up world map. Meanwhile, Smith has locked Pam and Bob in a brewery tank and begins filling it with beer; they escape when Bob consumes all the beer, expanding to a cartoonish size. John Elsinore's ghost warns them that Smith has already shipped tainted beer to Oktoberfest and urges them to prevent the beer from being consumed. The police accompany the brothers back to their house to retrieve their dog, Hosehead, to invade the party. Enticed by promises of free beer and sausages, Hosehead leaps into the air and flies over the city like a superhero. He crashes into the tent at the celebration and, mistaken for a skunk, frightens people away from the tainted beer. In the end, the McKenzie Brothers are heroes and Pam and Rosie find true love. Bob and Doug are allowed to haul away the contaminated beer, apparently to try to drink it all. The film ends with an over-the-credits commentary by Bob and Doug about the film and select crew members as their names scroll by in the credits.

Nerdy social outcast students Gary Wallace and Wyatt Donnelly of Shermer High School are humiliated by senior jocks Ian and Max for swooning over their cheerleader girlfriends Deb and Hilly. Humiliated and disappointed at their direction in life and wanting more, Gary convinces the uptight Wyatt that they need a boost in popularity in order to win their crushes away from Ian and Max. Alone for the weekend with Wyatt's parents gone, Gary is inspired by the 1931 film Frankenstein to create a virtual woman using Wyatt's computer, infusing her with everything they can conceive of to make the perfect dream woman. After they hook electrodes to a doll and hack into a government computer system for more power, a power surge creates Lisa, a beautiful and intelligent woman with reality-altering powers. She promptly produces a pink 1959 Cadillac Eldorado convertible to take the boys to a blues dive bar in Chicago, using her powers to procure fake IDs for them. They return home drunk, where Chet, Wyatt's mean older brother, extorts $175 from Wyatt in exchange for his silence. Lisa agrees to keep herself hidden from him, but she realizes that Gary and Wyatt, while sweet, are very uptight and need to unwind. After another humiliating experience at the mall when Max and Ian pour a slushie on Gary and Wyatt in front of a crowd, Lisa tells the bullies about a party at Wyatt's house, before driving off in a Porsche 928 she conjured for Gary. Despite Wyatt's protests, Lisa insists that the party take place. She meets Gary's parents, Al and Lucy, who are shocked and dismayed at the things she says and her frank manner, to Gary's embarrassment. After she pulls a stainless steel.44 Magnum handgun on them (later revealed to Gary to be a water pistol), she alters their memories so that Lucy forgets about the conflict; however, Al forgets altogether that they have a son. At the Donnelly house, the party has spun out of control. Gary and Wyatt take refuge in the bathroom, where they resolve to have fun despite having embarrassed themselves in front of Deb and Hilly. In Wyatt's bedroom, Ian and Max convince Gary and Wyatt to recreate the events that created Lisa, but the process fails. Lisa chides them over their misuse of the process to impress their tormentors. She also explains that they forgot to connect the doll; thus, with the bare but live electrodes resting on a magazine page showing a Pershing II medium-range ballistic missile, a real missile emerges, erupting through the floor and ceiling of the house. Meanwhile, Wyatt's grandparents arrive and confront Lisa about the party, but she places them in a frozen, catatonic state and hides them in a kitchen cupboard. Lisa realizes that the boys need a challenge to boost their confidence and has a gang of mutant bikers crash the party, causing chaos and terrorizing the guests. The bikers take Deb and Hilly hostage. Wyatt and Gary confront the bikers, which causes Deb and Hilly to fall in love with the boys. The bikers leave. The next morning, Chet returns from duck hunting to discover his home in disarray: A localized snowstorm fills his room, and a huge missile stands in the middle of the house. Lisa has the boys escort the girls home while she talks to Chet alone. Gary and Wyatt proclaim their feelings, and both girls reciprocate. Returning to the house, the boys discover Chet, now transformed into a foul, talking toad-like creature. He apologizes to Wyatt for his behavior. Upstairs, Lisa assures them that Chet will soon return to normal, and, realizing that her purpose is complete, tearfully hugs both Gary and Wyatt before de-materializing. As she leaves, the house is "magically" cleaned and everything transformed back to normal, including Chet. Wyatt's parents return home, completely unaware that anything unusual has happened. Later, Lisa turns up as the new gym teacher at Shermer High School.

David Spritz, a successful weatherman at a Chicago news program, is well paid but garners little respect from people in the area who throw fast food at him, he suspects, because they're resentful of how easy his high-paying job is. Dave also feels overshadowed by his father, Pulitzer Prize -winning author Robert Spritzel, who is disappointed in Dave's apparent inability to grow up and deal with his two children. The situation worsens when Robert is diagnosed with lymphoma and given only a few months to live. As he becomes more and more depressed, Dave takes up archery, finding the activity a way to build his focus and calm his nerves. David later remembers a conversation between himself and his father, where his father explains to him that "the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are often the same thing" and that "nothing that has meaning is easy". David appreciates this advice but struggles to implement it. To prove himself to his father and possibly reconcile with Noreen, his estranged wife, Dave pursues a weatherman position with a national talk show called Hello America. The job would nearly quadruple his salary, but means relocating to New York City. When Hello America invites him to New York, he takes his daughter, Shelly, with him and bonds with her by helping her shop for a more suitable wardrobe. While away, Dave learns that his son Mike attacked his counselor, Don Bowden, claiming that the man wanted to perform oral sex on him. Despite this stress and an all-night drinking binge, Dave impresses the Hello America interviewers and is eventually offered the job. When he returns, Dave slaps Russ, Noreen's boyfriend, when he finds him dealing with his son's predicament. Dave later confronts the counselor at his home, beating him up and warning him that he is in store for worse. The family holds a living funeral for Robert organised by Dave's mother, Lauren, in which Dave asks Noreen to reconcile and move to New York, but she has decided to marry Russ. Dave and Robert have one final talk, in which Dave breaks down in tears, unsure of his life's choices. Robert consoles him, telling him that he has time to "chuck" the garbage of his life. Robert dies soon after. The film ends several months later, after Dave has accepted the job and moved to New York. People have ceased throwing things at him though, he muses, this may be a pleasant side-effect of his archery hobby, for which he carries a bow.

Holly Berenson is the owner of a small Atlanta bakery, and Eric Messer is a promising television technical sports director for the Atlanta Hawks. Their best friends, Peter and Alison, set them up on a blind date that goes horribly wrong and results in both hating each other with a passion. As the years go by, Peter and Alison get married and have a baby girl named Sophie. They also select Holly and Eric – who teasingly tolerate each other – as the godparents. Shortly after Sophie's first birthday, Peter and Alison are killed in a car crash. Holly and Eric learn that their friends named them Sophie's joint guardians. After discovering that none of Peter and Alison's relatives are fit to take care of Sophie, the two put their differences aside and move into Sophie's home. Living together proves to be a struggle. One evening, Holly is away at an important catering job when Eric is given the opportunity to direct a big basketball game. He takes Sophie with him, but her crying distracts him, leading to him making a big mistake on the broadcast. When they get home, Eric and Holly argue, but later they make up. Holly goes on a date with Sam, Sophie's pediatrician. The date is cut short when Eric calls to tell Sam that Sophie has a high fever. When they join him at the hospital, Eric sees Holly kiss Sam. Over time, the guardians discover that raising a child is more expensive than they had expected, so Holly can no longer afford to expand her business. Eric helps by investing in her company, and they cement the new relationship by going on a date, which ends with them having sex and developing strong feelings. Their Child Protective Services caseworker Janine tells them they must make a firm commitment, either to stay together, or break up, as waffling in between would be bad for Sophie. Eric is offered his dream job with the Phoenix Suns, and does not discuss it with Holly. When Holly finds out, she tells him to take the job, accusing him of looking for a way out of raising Sophie. At Thanksgiving break, Eric returns from Phoenix for a visit, hoping to patch things up with Holly. She invites him to a dinner that she and Sam are hosting for neighbors and friends. Eric and Holly argue loudly when he learns she is planning to sell the house soon, as the upkeep is too costly. She accuses him of deserting her and Sophie, while he points out how quickly she replaced him. Eric tells her he loves her, but leaves the dinner, planning to return to Phoenix. Once alone with Holly, Sam says that if he and his former wife had fought in the way that Eric and she did, they would still be together. He tells Holly to work out her feelings for Eric, and leaves. That night, Sophie calls Holly "Mama" for the first time. Janine visits to make her final determination whether Holly and Eric are fit parents. Holly realizes that she cannot take care of Sophie without Eric, and that she loves him. She, Sophie and Janine rush to the airport, but upon reaching the gate, finds that Eric's flight has departed. Returning to the house, Holly finds Eric sitting inside. He tells her he has realized that Peter and Alison chose them to be Sophie's guardians because, together, they are a loving family. A few months later, they host Sophie's second birthday party, with all the neighbors and friends in attendance. Holly has made a second cake, with the number 1 on it, telling Eric, "It's for us, 'cause we made it a year", then they kiss.

The film opens in the Rocky Mountains on the Colorado ranch of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson, a journalist furiously trying to finish a story about his former attorney and friend, Carl Lazlo, Esq. Thompson then flashes back to a series of exploits involving the author and his attorney. In 1968, Thompson leaves hospital, later, Lazlo fights to stop a group of San Francisco youngsters from receiving harsh prison sentences for possession of marijuana. He convinces Thompson to write an article about it for Blast Magazine. Thompson's editor, Marty Lewis, reminds Thompson that he has 19 hours to deadline. The judge hands out stiff sentences to everyone; the last client is a young man who was caught with 1 pound of marijuana and receives a five-year sentence. Lazlo reacts by attacking the prosecuting attorney and is then jailed for contempt of court. The magazine story about the trial is a sensation, but Thompson does not hear from Lazlo until four years later, when Thompson is on assignment covering Super Bowl VI in Los Angeles. Lazlo appears at Thompson's hotel and convinces him to abandon the Super Bowl story and join his band of freedom fighters, which involves smuggling weapons to an unnamed Latin American country. Thompson goes along with Lazlo and the revolutionaries to a remote airstrip where a small airplane is to be loaded with weapons, but when a police helicopter finds them, Lazlo and his henchmen escape on the plane while Thompson refuses to follow. Thompson's fame and fortune continue. He is a hit on the college lecture circuit and covers the 1972 presidential election campaign. After being thrown off the journalist plane by The Candidate 's press secretary, Thompson takes the crew plane and gives strait-laced journalist Harris from the Post a strong hallucinogenic drug and steals his clothes and press credentials. At the next campaign stop, in the airport bathroom, Thompson is able to use his disguise to engage The Candidate in a conversation about the "Screwheads" and the "Doomed". Thompson, still posing as Harris, returns to the journalist plane. Lazlo then appears, striding across the airport tarmac in a white suit. He boards the plane and tries to convince his old friend to join his socialist paradise somewhere in the desert. After causing a disturbance, Thompson and Lazlo are thrown off the plane, and Lazlo's papers that describe the community are blown across the airport runway. Lazlo, presumably, is not heard from again. The action then returns to Thompson's cabin, just as the writer puts the finishing touches on his story, explaining that he didn't go along with Lazlo—or Nixon—because "it still hasn't gotten weird enough for me."

Peter Highman, a successful architect, is due to fly home from Atlanta to Los Angeles to be with his wife Sarah, who is about to give birth. On the way to the airport, he has a chance encounter with Ethan Tremblay and his dog Sonny, who is going to Los Angeles to be an actor and is planning to scatter his recently deceased father's ashes at the Grand Canyon. When Ethan misuses the words " terrorist " and "bomb" while talking to Peter, they are both escorted off the plane. Peter, now on the No Fly List and missing his wallet, agrees to drive with Ethan to Los Angeles. Ethan stops to buy marijuana, and Peter discovers that they are nearly out of money. Since Peter has no I.D., he gets his wife to wire money to Ethan through Western Union, but discovers he had the money wired to his stage name instead of his legal name. When employee Lonnie refuses to accept Ethan's "stage name I.D.", it leads to a violent altercation. After a night at a rest stop, Peter impulsively drives off to abandon Ethan, but realizes that he has forgotten to unload the ashes of Ethan's father when he left. This causes him to wrestle with his conscience, before deciding to return, and covering for his absence by saying he had gone to buy breakfast. Ethan takes over driver duty so Peter can get some rest after a sleepless night, but he falls asleep at the wheel and crashes the car. Peter calls his friend, Darryl, for assistance and decides to part with Ethan, but Darryl persuades Peter otherwise. They arrive at Darryl's house for rest. During their conversation, Ethan discovers hints that Sarah may have been unfaithful, triggering Peter to question Sarah's timely pregnancy. Darryl throws both of them out after mistakenly drinking some of Ethan's father's ashes, which were stored in a coffee tin. Darryl lets them use his Range Rover to make the rest of the trip. Ethan and Peter get high and begin to bond, but Ethan then mistakenly drives to the Mexico–United States border. Despite assuring Peter that he will handle the situation, Ethan flees, and Peter is arrested for possession of marijuana. The Mexican Federal Police lock Peter up, but Ethan steals a truck and breaks him out, causing several car crashes in the process. Peter decides to stop at the Grand Canyon for Ethan, who finally scatters his father's ashes. Peter then confesses that he tried to leave Ethan at the rest area. Ethan makes a confession of his own: he has had Peter's wallet and I.D the entire time. Peter seemingly forgives him but then attacks Ethan in a rage, but is interrupted by a call from Sarah, who has just gone into labor. Peter and Ethan leave for California. Ethan finds a gun in the truck and accidentally shoots Peter. Arriving at the hospital where Sarah is in labor, Peter passes out from loss of blood. Sarah delivers the baby safely, and Peter expresses his discomfort at his new daughter being named Rosie Highman. Ethan leaves to meet with a Hollywood agent while telling Peter to call him. At the end, Ethan guest stars on an episode of his favorite television program, Two and a Half Men, with Peter and Sarah watching it in bed with their daughter. Ethan texts Peter during the episode, indicating that the two have become friends.

Vladimir Ivanov, a saxophonist with the Moscow circus, lives in a crowded apartment with his extended family. In the grim living conditions and lack of personal freedom in the Soviet Union, he stands in lines for hours to buy toilet paper and shoes. When Boris, the apparatchik assigned to the circus, criticizes Vladimir for being late to rehearsal, and warns him that he may miss the approaching trip to New York City, Vladimir gives Boris a pair of shoes from the queue that made Vladimir late. While Ivanov is riding in his friend Anatoly's Lada, Anatoly stops to buy fuel for his car from a mobile black-market gasoline dealer. While the friends wait for the gasoline seller to fill Anatoly's jerrycans, the two practice their English. The circus troupe is sent to perform in New York City. Anatoly, who has talked of little else but defecting, cannot bring himself to go through with it; Vladimir, who had opposed the scheme as reckless and foolhardy, suddenly decides to do it. He runs from his Soviet controllers and hides behind a perfume counter at Bloomingdale's under the skirt of the clerk, Lucia Lombardo. When the NYPD and the FBI arrive, Vladimir stands up to his controllers and defects with news cameras rolling. Vladimir is left with nothing but the clothes on his back, the money in his pocket, and a pair of blue jeans that he had planned to buy for his girlfriend in Moscow. Lionel Witherspoon, a security guard who protected Vladimir from his Soviet handlers during the defection, takes him home to Harlem to live with Lionel's mother, unemployed father, sister, and grandfather—a living arrangement noticeably similar to Vladimir's family back in Moscow. With the help of a sympathetic immigration attorney and Cuban emigrant, Orlando Ramirez, Vladimir soon adapts to life in the United States. Vladimir attempts to find work despite speaking little English and fearing the threat of his former KGB handlers. He initially works as a busboy, McDonald's cashier, sidewalk merchant and limousine driver. Although these jobs enable Vladimir to eventually move into his own apartment, he begins to doubt that he will ever play saxophone professionally again. Vladimir starts a relationship with Lucia, the Bloomingdale's clerk. At a party celebrating Lucia's becoming an American citizen (Lucia originally being an Italian citizen), Vladimir proposes to her; but she refuses and, after an argument, breaks up with him. Lionel decides to return to Alabama to be closer to his young son. More bad news comes in a letter from Vladimir's family that his grandfather has died. Grieving, Vladimir goes to a Russian nightclub to ease his mind. When he returns to his apartment building drunk, he is mugged by two youths. He reports the incident to the police with his attorney Orlando present; the two go to a diner, where Vladimir rants about his misfortunes. During a confrontation with a burly man who makes it known that he is also a Soviet defector, Vladimir comes to appreciate his good fortune of living in the United States. Soon after, Lucia reunites with Vladimir, telling him that she is not ready for marriage, but would love to live with a fellow immigrant. Lionel moves back from Alabama, and he takes over Vladimir's job driving a limousine. Vladimir encounters his former KGB handler, who is now a street vendor selling hotdogs. He admits that he had to flee the Soviet Union due to his failure to prevent Vladimir's defection, but has also come to appreciate New York City. Vladimir soon gets a job in a nightclub, where he again plays the saxophone.