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Meet the Feebles
The Feeble Variety Hour theatre troupe is rehearsing with hopes of finding success through being picked up for a syndicated television show. Star singer Heidi is insulted by pornographic director Trevor and complains to her boss and lover Bletch, who is having an affair with Samantha. Robert, the troupe's newest member, arrives at the theatre and immediately falls in love with newcomer Lucille. Arthur, the show's manager, helps Robert serenade Lucille, and the two become engaged. Samantha scornfully reveals to Heidi her relationship with Bletch. Animal tamer Sid is visited by his ex-girlfriend Sandy who reveals he has a son named Seymour and is preparing a paternity case. Bletch and his henchman Barry consummate a drug deal with dealer Cedric.
Star Harry is suffering from an unknown illness, diagnosed as terminal, and is harassed by reporter F.W. Fly, who ultimately reports his illness to the tabloids. Robert is reassigned to assist drug-addicted knife-thrower Wynyard, who reveals he is a Vietnam veteran and convinces Robert to give him money for drugs under the pretext of charity. Bletch expresses dissatisfaction with Trevor's latest porn film, and Trevor sets his sights on Lucille as his new porn star. Trevor drugs and tries to rape Lucille, but is caught by Robert; believing that Lucille had made a move on Trevor, Robert disowns her. After a poor rehearsal and lambasted by director Sebastian, Heidi rushes to Bletch for emotional affirmation, but walks in on him with Samantha. Heidi refuses to perform, but relents after Bletch feigns attraction to her.
Cedric's drugs are delivered but turn out to be borax. Travelling to the docks to retrieve the actual drugs, Bletch, Trevor, and Barry kill Cedric and his associates, but Barry is killed in the process. After seeing a newspaper article about Harry's illness, Bletch retaliates by killing Fly. Lucille tries to convince Robert of her love for him, but he tells her he never wants to see her again. Heidi's successful performance grants the Feebles approval for a syndicated television show. Heidi attempts to seduce Bletch, but Bletch confesses to Heidi that he hates her and wants to give her role to Samantha. Heidi mentally breaks down.
Things go awry during the performances. An ailing Harry vomits, Sid is accosted by Sandy with Seymour, and a high Wynyard accidentally kills himself with one of his knives. After a failed attempt at hanging herself, Heidi prepares to commit suicide with an M60 machine gun. Samantha walks in and taunts Heidi, causing Heidi to snap and shoot Samantha dead. In a desperate attempt to save the show, Sebastian puts on a failed musical number about sodomy.
Heidi goes on a shooting spree throughout the theatre, killing many of the troupe. Harry is killed after finding out his illness is not terminal, Sid is shot in the kneecaps while saving Seymour after Sandy is killed, and Sebastian hides in Harry's giant carrot-rocket which crashes in the chaos. Robert rescues Lucille from being shot and professes that he still loves her as Lucille tells him the truth about Trevor. Bletch attempts to talk Heidi into surrendering, but she opens fire on him. An injured Bletch claims that he loves Heidi before Trevor incapacitates her with a shotgun. Bletch orders Trevor to kill Heidi, but Robert intervenes by colliding with Trevor, allowing Heidi to shoot him dead. Bletch lunges at Heidi, but is killed too. Arthur tells Heidi that he has regrettably informed the police. Heidi accepts this and makes a last request for her musical number to be played.
A photographic postscript reveals that Sid had surgery on his kneecaps and works in an orchard as a struggling horticulturist with his son Seymour. Arthur received an OBE for his lifelong service to theatre and retired to the country. Sebastian achieved worldwide fame for his best-selling book about the massacre, and is currently negotiating the film rights. Robert and Lucille are married with two children, with Robert now an award-winning fashion photographer for a women's magazine. After serving 10 years in a female penitentiary, Heidi has been rehabilitated into the community and works under a new identity on the check-out of a supermarket.