Charlie MacKenzie is a popular local beat poet living in San Francisco who makes his frequent break-ups the subject of his poems. His best friend Tony, a recently promoted police detective, believes that Charlie is afraid of commitment and will identify (or invent) any reason to break up with someone. While purchasing Haggis for his Scottish-born parents, Stuart and May, he encounters a butcher named Harriet, and is attracted to her. During his visit with his family, Charlie and May discuss his most recent break-up, and May brings up a tabloid article about a bride known as "Mrs. X", who kills her husbands on their honeymoons using an axe. Charlie goes back to the butcher shop and offers to help Harriet. The two find common bonds and start to date. After staying at her place one night, Charlie meets Harriet's eccentric sister, Rose, who warns Charlie to be careful. He learns Harriet used to live in Atlantic City, was involved with a trainer in Russian martial arts, and screams for someone named Ralph in her sleep. Charlie arranges a dinner with her to meet his parents, who say she is their favourite of all his partners. Charlie reads the article about Mrs. X, which identifies two of her victims as a martial arts expert and a man named Ralph. Charlie becomes fearful and asks Tony to investigate Harriet and the Mrs. X story. Tony reveals that the husbands of Mrs. X were all reported missing alongside their wives, assuring that Harriet is unlikely to be Mrs. X. Charlie remains on edge, and after a few more troubled dates, breaks up with her. Tony reports that a killer in the Mrs. X story has confessed. Relieved, Charlie apologizes to Harriet by reciting one of his beat poems to her from her rooftop. They make up, and Harriet explains away some of her history, such as Ralph being the name of a woman she knows. At his parents' wedding anniversary Charlie proposes to Harriet. She accepts after some hesitation. Following the wedding ceremony, they embark on a honeymoon to a secluded mountain hotel. After they depart, Tony learns that the confessed killer is actually a compulsive liar. He sends a photo of Harriet to the known associates of the missing husbands, and all identify her as their friends' wife. With phone lines to the hotel down due to a storm, Tony charters a plane. Once he lands, he calls Charlie locally and warns him that Harriet really is Mrs. X, but the hotel phone line is knocked out and power is lost. Charlie panics and tries to stay away from Harriet without letting her know what he knows, but the hotel staff force him into the honeymoon suite for their first night together. After locking Harriet in the closet, Charlie discovers a letter, purportedly written by him, explaining his absence to Harriet. Rose appears wielding an axe and reveals herself as the Mrs. X killer. She feels that Harriet's husbands are taking her sister from her, motivating her to kill them on their honeymoon night and leave letters behind claiming to be from them, leading Harriet to believe that each husband abandoned her. Charlie flees from Rose. Tony leads the police into the hotel and arrests Harriet, still believing her to be the murderer. Charlie, having been chased to the hotel roof by Rose, gets Tony's attention as they take Harriet away. While the police make their way up to the roof, Rose swings the axe at Charlie and is thrown off the building. Tony catches her, and she is arrested and taken away. Charlie and Harriet resume their lives as a happy couple.

Charles "Chuck" Lumley, formerly a successful stockbroker, has found a refuge from the ulcer-inducing Wall Street rat race in his job as an attendant at a New York City morgue. His displeasure at being "promoted" to night-shift supervisor to make room for his boss' nephew, Leonard, is exacerbated by the irrational exuberance of Bill "Blaze" Blazejowski, his new co-worker. They are inspired by the plight of Chuck's prostitute neighbor, Belinda, to apply Chuck's financial acumen and Bill's entrepreneurial spirit to open a prostitution service headquartered at the morgue. Chuck falls in love with Belinda, but their relationship becomes complicated when Belinda refuses to quit prostitution. Chuck's passiveness keeps him from telling Belinda he loves her. Meanwhile, Chuck and Bill's foray into the prostitution business draws the ire of dangerous pimps who come to the morgue and threaten to kill Chuck. Bill inadvertently leads two undercover police officers to the morgue where Chuck is being assaulted by the pimps. A shootout ensues. Chuck and Bill are rescued, but are arrested for promoting prostitution. Because their arrest would be a political embarrassment, the two men are offered their old jobs back and a dismissal of all charges. Chuck accepts this, but Bill sees it as an opportunity to bargain with the mayor's office. Chuck and Bill fight and part ways. Chuck's fiancée Charlotte ends their engagement. Chuck sees Belinda in the hall of their apartment complex, but again fails to express his true feelings for her. Belinda leaves, and Chuck becomes angry with himself for being afraid. With renewed determination, Chuck finds Belinda working in an adult club and professes his love for her. He also finds Bill is employed there, apologizes for his harsh words, and assures Bill of the value of his creative ideas. The three leave the club together and go out on the town.

Frank Drebin has retired from Police Squad and lives a seemingly happy life with his wife, Jane Spencer Drebin. In reality, Frank is unfulfilled as a househusband and attends marriage counseling with Jane. Six months after Frank's retirement, he is visited by Ed Hocken and Nordberg, who ask for his help with an investigation. Police Squad has learned that infamous bomber Rocco Dillon, who is currently incarcerated, has been hired by terrorists to conduct a bombing against the United States. Frank remembers Rocco's girlfriend Tanya Peters from an investigation years ago and agrees to help Ed and Nordberg by visiting the clinic where Peters works. Frank visits the clinic, but it turns out to be a sperm clinic, resulting in Frank having to give a sperm sample over and over again to avoid Tanya recognizing him. He manages to write Tanya's address on a handkerchief, but loses it before he can give it to Ed. Jane comes home to an exhausted Frank and accuses him of doing police work again. Frank lies and swears he is having an affair, but Jane does not believe him and moves out of their house. With nothing else to lose, Frank volunteers to go undercover in prison to befriend Dillon and learn the details of the bombing. Frank is put in Rocco's cell under the name Nick "The Slasher" McGurk. He wins Rocco's trust after protecting their escape plan from a guard and causing a riot. Rocco and Frank escape through a tunnel in their cell and are picked up on the outside by Rocco's mother Muriel. At Rocco's hideout, Frank attempts to get information on the bombing out of Rocco and his mother, but they are suspicious of him and refuse to share details. Meanwhile, Jane and her friend Louise are on a road trip together when Jane finds the handkerchief with Tanya's address on it. Believing Frank was being truthful about the affair, Jane decides to drive cross-country to the address to find Frank. When she arrives, Frank answers the door and must quickly cover for her; he convinces the Dillons that Jane is a random stranger but that they should keep her as a hostage. Rocco finally reveals his plan to Frank: he will attack the Academy Award ceremony with a bomb hidden in the Best Picture envelope. At the Awards, Frank traps Muriel in the car and sneaks in with Jane to search for the bomb. Frank and Jane frantically search for the bomb, with Frank inflicting his usual chaos on stage during the show. Frank encounters Tanya backstage, and she attempts to seduce Frank, but reveals she has a penis, causing Frank to feel sick and flee. Frank bursts onto the stage and tries to stop the detonation of the bomb, but ends up in a stalemate with Rocco and drops an electronic sign which takes out Muriel. Rocco decides to detonate the bomb and die with his mother, but Frank launches Rocco and the bomb into the catwalks above the stage. Frank snares Rocco with a cable and slings him through the arena's roof. Rocco crashes into Pahpshmir's helicopter hovering overhead and the bomb explodes, killing them both. Frank and Jane reaffirm their love to the applause of the audience and viewers worldwide. Nine months later, Frank and Nordberg rush into a delivery room to witness the birth of Frank's child. They run into the wrong room and Frank is shown a baby with brown skin, causing him to angrily chase Nordberg. Ed comes out of another room with Jane, who is holding their real baby.

Dylan (Dan Futterman) and Jez (Stuart Townsend) are two orphans who meet in their twenties and vow to achieve their shared childhood dream of living in a stately home. In pursuit of this dream, they spend their days living in a disused gas holder, spending as little money as possible and conning the upper classes out of their riches. During one of their cons, they encounter Georgie (Kate Beckinsale) who is a medical student who can type. Georgie becomes aware that the two are con-artists. But they manage to convince her that they are modern day Robin Hoods, taking from the rich and giving to the poor. When a con goes wrong, the two find themselves jailed. They later learn that their entire fortune is to be rendered useless as the Royal Bank of England is recalling the notes. Jez and Dylan decide they need to somehow escape and retrieve their money or risk losing it. Jez contacts Georgie and appeals to her to help. Georgie, unbeknownst to the guys, needs money to save the Down syndrome foundation's mansion that her brother currently attends. She organises for Jez and Dylan to get released on compassionate leave under the guise of attending the cremation of a relative. While the ceremony is ongoing, they sneak out and retrieve the money and return before the prison warders suspect a thing. With the money hidden in the coffin they accidentally send it to be cremated and are returned to prison completely despondent. It turns out to be a double con as Georgie retrieves the money and buys her ex's "champion" horse only to learn that the horse is a dud. When the guys get out she comes clean and they hatch another plan which will see the horse win a big race allowing them to charge stud fees. Everything works out and the horse romps to victory (thanks to inserting helium in the jockeys outfit). Georgie agrees to sell the now champion horse back to her ex. With the proceeds all three agree to save the foundation and as they drive to the foundation broke, Jez and Dylan realise they have finally found their stately home.

Mark Whitacre, a rising star at the Archer Daniels Midland (ADM) office in Decatur, Illinois, during the early 1990s, blows the whistle on the company's price-fixing tactics at the urging of his wife Ginger. One night in November 1992, Whitacre confesses to FBI special agent Brian Shepard that ADM executives—including Whitacre himself—had routinely met with competitors to fix the price of lysine, an additive used in the commercial livestock industry. Whitacre secretly gathers hundreds of hours of video and audio over several years to present to the FBI. Whitacre assists in gathering evidence by clandestinely taping the company's activity in business meetings at various locations around the globe. These include locations in Tokyo, Paris, Mexico City, and Hong Kong. He eventually collects enough evidence of collaboration and conspiracy to warrant a raid of ADM. Whitacre's good deed dovetails with his own major infractions, while his internal, secret struggle with bipolar disorder seems to take over his exploits. Whitacre's meltdown results from the pressures of wearing a wire and organizing surveillance for the FBI for three years, instigated by Whitacre's reaction, in increasingly manic overlays, to various trivial magazine articles he reads. In a stunning turn of events immediately following the covert portion of the case, headlines worldwide report Whitacre had embezzled $9 million from his own company. This happened simultaneously while he was covertly working with the FBI and taping his co-workers. Whitacre also aims to be elected as ADM CEO following the arrest and conviction of the remaining upper management members. In the ensuing chaos, Whitacre appears to shift his trust and randomly destabilize his relationships with Special Agents Shepard and Herndon and numerous attorneys in the process. Authorities at ADM begin investigating the forged papertrail Whitacre had built to cover his own deeds. After being confronted with evidence of his fraud, Whitacre's defensive claims begin to spiral out of control, including an accusation of assault and battery against Agent Shepard and the FBI, which had made a substantial move to distance their case from Whitacre entirely. Due to this major infraction and Whitacre's bizarre behavior, he is sentenced to a prison term three times as long as that meted out to the white-collar criminals he helped to catch. In the epilogue, Agent Herndon visits Whitacre in prison as he videotapes a futile appeal to seek a presidential pardon. Overweight, balding and psychologically beaten after his years long ordeal, Whitacre is eventually released from prison, with Ginger awaiting to greet him.

Jim Douglas, once a prominent race car driver, is now relegated to participating in demolition derbies. Residing in a converted firehouse overlooking San Francisco Bay, Jim lives with his friend Tennessee Steinmetz, an eccentric mechanic and sculptor whose artistic creations repurpose discarded automobile components. Jim’s fortunes shift when he visits a European car dealership, where he encounters Carole Bennett, a mechanic and sales associate, as well as Peter Thorndyke, the British proprietor of the establishment. During this visit, Jim notices a peculiar Volkswagen Beetle —a vehicle Thorndyke openly abuses after it is returned to the showroom under mysterious circumstances. Lacking the financial means to procure a vehicle, Jim departs, only to find that the Beetle follows him home. This leads to a police intervention on charges of grand theft, forcing Jim to reluctantly agree to a lease-purchase arrangement for the car. Initially, Jim is frustrated with the Beetle, whose idiosyncratic behaviour includes avoiding highways and orchestrating encounters with Carole, suspecting Thorndyke of duping him with a malfunctioning vehicle. Tennessee discerns that the car possesses sentience although Jim sceptically dismisses Tennessee's claims. Endearing himself to the Beetle, Tennessee christens the car "Herbie". Jim decides to enter Herbie into racing, giving the car racing stripes and adding the number '53'. In their debut race, Herbie delivers an unexpected victory, much to Thorndyke's surprise and Carole's delight. Thorndyke then offers the clear the payments in exchange to sell Herbie back to him. Jim is forced to compete directly with Thorndyke at Riverside, Herbie scores another impressive victory, overtaking his rival at the finish line. Jim, Tennessee, and Herbie becoming the talk of the California racing circuit, while once-champion Thorndyke suffers increasingly humiliating defeats. Desperate to discover the secret of Herbie's success, Thorndyke, on the eve of another important race, convinces Carole to take Jim for a ride in the best car in the showroom (an Apollo GT), then sneaks into his rival's house, gets Tennessee drunk on his own Irish coffee, and sabotages Herbie's performance in the race by pouring it into Herbie's gas tank. Disillusioned, Jim decides to replace Herbie with a new Lamborghini, a decision that alienates Carole who had just quit her promising job alongside Thorndyke (learning of his sabotage scheme), and Tennessee. Feeling betrayed, Herbie reacts by vandalizing the Lamborghini and fleeing. After narrowly escaping being torn apart in Thorndyke's workshop, his escapades culminate in an attempt to throw himself from the Golden Gate Bridge, prompting Jim to intervene. At the police station, Tang Wu, a racing enthusiast and local businessman whose property Herbie also damaged, agrees to an offer from Jim to drop charges in exchange for ownership of Herbie on condition that Jim and Tennessee may race Herbie in the prestigious El Dorado Road race, with the agreement that if Jim wins the race, Mr. Wu will sell Herbie back to him for one dollar. The El Dorado race, a two-day event traversing the Sierra Nevada, becomes the stage for Thorndyke's underhanded tactics. Despite these obstacles, Jim, Carole, and Tennessee persevere, although the first leg of the race leaves Herbie in a battered state, limping across the finish line using a makeshift wagon wheel. Overnight, Herbie refuses to start, and Jim admits to Mr. Wu that Herbie is in no condition to continue the race. Thorndyke suddenly appears, revealing that he made a separate bet with Mr. Wu that should Herbie drop out of the race, Thorndyke would take possession of Herbie and have him crushed. After Thorndyke assaults Jim, Herbie restarts, chasing Thorndyke away. On the second leg, Herbie overcomes numerous challenges to close the gap on Thorndyke and take the lead heading into the final stages of the race. As they near the finish line, Herbie splits in two due to mechanical strain, his rear half, carrying Tennessee and the engine, crossing the finish line first, while his front half, with Jim and Carole aboard, follows closely, securing both first and third place. Wu assumes control of Thorndyke's dealership, appoints Tennessee as his assistant, and relegates Thorndyke to the mechanics' workshop alongside his accomplice Havershaw. Rebuilt, Herbie serves as the wedding vehicle for Jim and Carole's departure, whisking the newlyweds away on their honeymoon.

10-year-old Danny Madigan lives in a crime-ridden area of NYC with his widowed mother, Irene. Following his father's death, Danny takes comfort in watching action movies, especially a series featuring L.A. cop Jack Slater, at a condemned movie theater. Nick, the theater's owner and projectionist, gives Danny a golden ticket once owned by Harry Houdini and invites him to watch an early screening of its latest installment, Jack Slater IV. During the film, the ticket stub transports Danny into the fictional world, interrupting Slater during a car chase. Slater takes Danny to LAPD headquarters, where Danny points out evidence of Slater's fictional world, such as the presence of numerous attractive women and a cartoon cat detective named Whiskers. Danny says that Slater's friend John Practice should not be trusted as he "killed Mozart " (since he is played by the same actor as Antonio Salieri in Amadeus). Though Slater dismisses this as Danny's imagination, Slater's supervisor, Lieutenant Dekker, assigns Danny as his partner and instructs them to investigate criminal activities related to mafia boss Tony Vivaldi. Danny guides Slater to Vivaldi's mansion, recognizing its location from the start of the movie. There, they meet Vivaldi's henchman, Mr. Benedict. Vivaldi and Benedict killed Slater's second cousin, but Slater has no evidence and is forced to leave with Danny; however, Benedict is curious as to how Danny knew, and he and several hired guns follow Slater and Danny back to Slater's home. There, Slater, his daughter Whitney, and Danny thwart the attack, though Benedict gets the ticket stub and discovers that it can transport him into the real world. Slater deduces Vivaldi's plan to murder the rival mob by releasing a lethal gas. He and Danny go to stop it, but are waylaid by Practice, who reveals that Danny was right: he is working for Vivaldi. Whiskers kills Practice, saving Slater and Danny, who prevent any deaths from the gas release. After Vivaldi's plan fails, Benedict kills him and uses the stub to escape into the real world, pursued by Slater and Danny. Slater becomes despondent upon learning the truth, but cheers up after spending time with Irene. Meanwhile, Benedict devises a plan to kill the actor portraying Slater in the movie, Arnold Schwarzenegger, bring other movie villains into the real world, and take over. To help, Benedict brings the Ripper, the villain of Jack Slater III, to Jack Slater IV 's premiere to assassinate Schwarzenegger. Slater saves Schwarzenegger and kills the Ripper. Benedict shoots Slater, critically injuring him. Danny disarms Benedict, allowing Slater to shoot Benedict in his explosive glass eye, killing him; however, the blast causes the stub to be lost. With Slater losing blood, Danny knows he can save him by returning him to the fictional world, where his injury will become a flesh wound. The ticket stub falls in front of a theater playing The Seventh Seal, where the Figure of Death emerges from the screen. Death is curious: Jack Slater is missing from his lists of when people will die, and Danny is slated to die as a grandfather. Death then suggests searching for the other half of the ticket. Danny finds it and takes Slater back into his movie, where his wounds instantly heal. Danny returns to the real world before the portal closes. A recovered Slater embraces the true nature of his reality, appreciating the differences between the two worlds. Danny and Nick bond while reminiscing on their past, while Slater drives away on the screen, waving goodbye.

This is the story of Montgomery Brewster, a relief pitcher in the minor leagues of life, who got handed the American Dream...on a very hot plate. — The opening text at the beginning of the movie. Montgomery Brewster is a Minor League Baseball pitcher with the Hackensack Bulls. He and his best friend Spike Nolan, the Bulls' catcher, are arrested after a post-game bar fight. A man named Donaldo offers to post their bail if they plead guilty. Donaldo takes them to New York City with him. At the Manhattan law office of Granville & Baxter where Donaldo works, Brewster is told by executor Edward Roundfield that his recently deceased great-uncle Rupert Horn, whom he has never met, has left him his entire $300 million fortune with several stipulations: If he fails to meet all terms, he forfeits any remaining balance and inherits nothing. Brewster decides to take the $30 million challenge, and Angela Drake, a paralegal from the law firm, is assigned to accompany him and keep track of his spending. Brewster, who has never earned more than $11,000 a year, rents an expensive suite at the Plaza Hotel, hires personal staff on exorbitant salaries, and places bad gambling bets. However, Spike (who is unaware of the rules of the challenge) makes good investments, earning Brewster money. Realizing that he is making no headway, Brewster decides to run for mayor of New York City and throws most of his money at a protest campaign urging a vote for " none of the above." Major candidates Heller and Salvino threaten to sue Brewster for his confrontational rhetoric, but they settle out of court for several million dollars. Brewster then hires the New York Yankees for a three-inning exhibition against the Bulls, with himself as the pitcher. He even mails a postcard to Granville and Baxter with a very expensive stamp, the postmark erasing its value without damaging it. He is forced to end his protest campaign when he learns that he is leading in the polls as a write-in candidate; the job carries an annual salary of $60,000, which is considered an asset under the terms of the will. Spending his last $38,000 on a party after the game, Brewster becomes fed up with money and is heartbroken that Spike, Angela, and others around him do not understand his actions that he is prohibited from explaining. He awakens on the final day to find that Spike and his other friends are gone, along with the sycophantic treatment he received from the rest of his entourage. Heading for Granville & Baxter law firm, he learns that the city voted "None of the Above," forcing another election in which neither Heller nor Salvino are running. Warren Cox, a junior lawyer from the law firm and Angela's fiancé, has been bribed by Granville and Baxter to ensure that Brewster fails to spend the entire $30 million. Moments before time expires, Cox hands Brewster some money previously thought to have been spent and informs him he is not broke. As Brewster is about to sign the document forfeiting his inheritance, Angela learns of the plot and reveals it to him. Brewster punches Cox, who threatens to sue and declines Brewster's offer of the money as compensation. Realizing that he will need a lawyer, Brewster pays the money to Angela as a retainer. With the transaction completed and all of the money now gone, Brewster fulfills the terms of the will and inherits the entire $300 million. Roundfield tells Cox, Granville, and Baxter that he will open an investigation into their actions as Brewster and Angela leave together.

Dave Skylark is the host of the talk show Skylark Tonight, where he interviews celebrities about personal topics. The show's broadcast gets interrupted by news reports about North Korea, regarding its leader Kim Jong Un and concerns about its nuclear weapons. When Skylark and his crew celebrate producer Aaron Rapaport's 1,000th episode, another producer criticizes the show for not being a real news program. Upset by this, Rapaport urges change and Skylark agrees before discovering Kim is a fan of their show, prompting Rapaport to arrange an interview. CIA Agent Lacey visits the duo and requests they assassinate Kim with a transdermal strip of ricin via handshake to prevent a possible nuclear launch against the West Coast; they reluctantly agree. Skylark carries the strip inside a gum pack. Upon their arrival in Pyongyang, the group is greeted by North Korean chief propagandist Sook-yin Park and taken to the palace, where they are introduced to Kim's security officers Koh and Yu, who are suspicious of them. When Koh finds the strip, he mistakes it for gum and chews it. After making a secret request for help, Lacey airdrops them two more strips via a drone. To get it back to their room however, Rapaport is forced to evade a Siberian tiger and hide the container in his rectum, before getting caught and stripped naked by security. Skylark meets and befriends Kim, who convinces Skylark that he is misunderstood as a cruel dictator and a failed administrator, and spends the day playing basketball, hanging out, riding in his personal tank and partying with escort women together. At a state dinner, Koh suffers a seizure and diarrhea from the ricin poisoning, accidentally shooting Yu before dying. A guilt-ridden Skylark discards one of the ricin strips the next morning and thwarts Rapaport's attempt to poison Kim with the second strip. At a dinner mourning the deaths of the bodyguards, Skylark witnesses Kim's malicious self as he angrily threatens South Korean "capitalists", the United States and everyone who attempts to undermine his power, and later discovers Kim has been lying to him upon seeing that a nearby grocery store is fake. At the same time, while seducing Rapaport, Sook reveals she despises Kim and apologizes for defending his regime. Skylark returns and tries to get Sook's support to assassinate Kim, but she suggests they instead damage his cult of personality and show the North Koreans the dire state of the country. The trio devises a plan to expose Kim on-air, arming themselves with guns. In the internationally televised interview with Kim, Skylark addresses increasingly sensitive topics, including the food shortage and America-imposed economic sanctions, then challenges his need for his father 's approval. Rapaport takes over the control room to fight off the guards trying to cut the broadcast. Initially resistant and rebuffed by Skylark's claims, Kim cries and defecates himself after Skylark, having known his fondness for Katy Perry, ruins his reputation by singing " Firework ". Enraged at Skylark's betrayal, Kim shoots him and vows revenge by preparing the nuclear missiles. Skylark, whose bulletproof vest has saved him, escapes with Rapaport and Sook and hijacks Kim's tank to get to their pickup point. In a helicopter, Kim attempts to issue the command to launch the missiles, only to get shot down by Skylark before he could do so. With the nuclear threat thwarted, Sook guides Skylark and Rapaport to an escape route, saying she has to return to Pyongyang to maintain security. Skylark and Rapaport are later tracked down and rescued by SEAL Team Six members disguised as North Korean soldiers. Back in America, Skylark writes a book about his experience, Rapaport returns to work as producer and maintains contact with Sook via Skype, and North Korea becomes a denuclearized democracy under Sook's interim leadership.

The story begins on "the strangest day" of Larry Burrows's life (his 35th birthday) consisting of a series of comic and dramatic misadventures. Larry blames his life's problems on having struck out during a key moment of his state high school baseball championship game on his 15th birthday. When he wishes he had done things differently, his wish is granted by a guardian angel -like figure named Mike, who intermittently appears as a bartender, a cab driver, and so on. Larry soon discovers that Mike has transferred him into an alternative reality in which he had won the pivotal high school game. He finds himself still working for the company he had been originally, albeit successful and in a powerful position, and married to the boss's sexy daughter Cindy Jo Bumpers. At first, his new life seems perfect, but he soon begins to miss his best friend Clip Metzler, and his wife Ellen from his previous life; he also discovers that his alternative self has created many enemies, like Jewel Jagger who was a forklift operator and now she is his secretary and lover. The story begins with Larry's car, an old Ford LTD station wagon, stalled out in a dark alley. Suddenly the pink lights of The Universal Joint, a bar, come on. Larry goes inside to call a tow truck and tells bartender Mike his troubles. He reviews the day he just had, which ended with his getting fired after discovering his department head Niles Pender's scheme to sell the company under the nose of its owners to a group of naive Japanese investors. He tells Mike that he wishes he had hit that last pitch out of the park, after which Mike fixes him a drink called "The Spilt Milk". The Spilt Milk was a drink that gave him his wish that he hit that home run in that championship game. Larry leaves the bar, walks home (his car apparently towed), and discovers someone else living in his house, which is now fixed up (previously his yard and driveway were muddy and unfinished). Mike appears as a cab driver and drives him to his "new" home, a mansion in Forest Hills, explaining that he did in fact hit the last pitch and won the game. He soon discovers that Cindy Jo is his wife and he's the president of his company, Liberty Republic Sporting Goods. Being a classic car buff, he's shocked to find that he owns a collection of priceless antique automobiles. Larry soon discovers that Clip has a low-level job in the accounting department and is quite insecure as opposed to the joker he previously was. Ellen is a shop steward (in both realities) and is married to another man. Jewel, a forklift operator in the previous reality, is now Larry's mistress and his secretary. Ellen hates Larry, and he discovers that the union is threatening a walkout due to massive layoffs and increased production since Niles is selling Liberty Republic in both realities. Seeing Ellen, he realizes how much he misses her and agrees to all the union's demands, provided Ellen agrees to dinner at his favorite restaurant. She reluctantly agrees, and Larry eventually convinces her that they were married in a previous life. After discovering that Larry has agreed to union demands, Niles takes revenge by telling both Cindy Jo and Jewel of Larry's dinner date with Ellen. He then plots to kill Larry at the office that night. However, company owner Leo Hansen arrives to deliver a note to Larry, announcing his termination at Cindy Jo's request, and Niles kills him by mistake. Discovering the note, Niles calls the police, who attempt to arrest Larry for Leo's murder. Larry escapes while jealous Jewel creates pandemonium outside in her attempts to shoot him (and shoots out several police cars in the process), leading to a police chase. Larry is eventually cornered in a dark alley, but the pink glow of "The Universal Joint" comes on and he runs into the bar. Unable to find Mike, Larry attempts to make the "Spilt Milk" himself, the ingredients clearly aged. What appears to be flashing police car lights appear and Larry surrenders. However, it is a tow truck driven by Duncan. Confused at first, Larry sees Mike back behind the bar and realizes he has been returned to his old life. Larry thanks Mike for everything and, upon exiting the bar, suddenly realizes that the deal with the Japanese investors is happening shortly. Driven by Duncan to company headquarters, Larry barges into the boardroom, decks Niles, and exposes his scheme just as Leo is about to sign the deal. Thinking everyone forgot his birthday, Larry returns home (which still has the muddy driveway and lawn) to a surprise party with his family and friends. Soon after, Cindy Jo and her husband Jackie Earle, the company president, arrive. Jackie offers Niles' job to Larry, plus a company car which is a new Mercedes, and Larry accepts. In the past, young Larry is about to leave the stadium, still upset about the loss, when he is greeted by a mysterious stranger in the stands (Mike) who reassures him that everything will be all right. Larry thanks him for the reassurance but walks off wondering who Mike thinks he is kidding.

Jon Martello is a young Italian-American bartender and a modern-day Don Juan living in New Jersey. He enjoys his independent lifestyle, which consists of working out, maintaining his apartment, driving his 1972 Chevrolet Chevelle SS, going to church with his family, engaging in casual sex, and excessively masturbating to hardcore pornography. Though he claims to enjoy sex, he finds it inferior to porn and even finds his daily life interrupted by flashbacks of watching porn. While at a nightclub with his friends, Jon meets Barbara Sugarman, a beautiful woman from an affluent background. Despite flirting, she declines his offer for a one-night stand. Jon becomes interested in her, hoping that sex with her will be more satisfying than his usual hookups, and asks her out after finding her on Facebook. Barbara insists on a more serious relationship, which proceeds for over a month and without sex. She pushes Jon to take an evening community college class to obtain a career outside the service industry, and he indulges her love of romance films, which he dismisses as fantasy. They meet each other's friends and families, and Jon's parents are immediately smitten by her and hope the two will marry. Jon and Barbara finally have sex, but he is still dissatisfied. She catches him watching porn and is disgusted, but he convinces her it was a joke email sent by a friend. As she spends more time at his home, he resorts to watching porn on his cell phone. He takes great satisfaction in cleaning his apartment, but Barbara considers it beneath him and insists he have her family's maid do it. At his class, Jon catches his middle-aged classmate Esther crying alone; when she sits next to him to explain herself, she sees porn on his phone. She later shocks him by showing him an erotic video which she believes depicts sex in a healthier way. Barbara discovers the porn in Jon's laptop browser history, causing a fight; he insists that all men watch porn, but she breaks up with him. Jon watches an increased amount of porn and becomes emotionally withdrawn and erratic, which leads to an incident of road rage. His friend persuades him to finish his college class, where he sees Esther again. After class, he has sex with Esther in her car and discusses his breakup with her. She asks him why he loves porn, and he reveals that he gets "lost" in porn in a way he does not with a partner, and has been consuming porn since he was a child. He insists he is not addicted to porn, and Esther suggests masturbating without it for a week, which he discovers he cannot do. Esther says porn has given him a skewed idea of what real sex is, and he does not intimately connect with his partners because he focuses merely on his own satisfaction. After suggesting they take a bath together at her home, Esther starts crying and does not join him, revealing that her husband and son died in a car crash 14 months prior. Their emotional connection deepens their intimacy, and Jon experiences truly satisfying sex for the first time. Jon later tells his priest that he has stopped watching porn, and though he had premarital sex with Esther, it felt special and unlike his previous connections; he is disillusioned when the priest does not acknowledge his substantial improvement. He finally tells his family about his breakup with Barbara. While his parents are upset, his sister Monica bluntly tells them that Barbara clearly only wanted to date someone she could control. Jon meets with Barbara and apologizes for lying to her, but asserts that her expectations were demanding of him and unattainable. She insists that a man should make any sacrifice for a woman he loves and tells Jon not to call her again. With neither of them interested in conventional love or marriage, Jon and Esther begin dating and "lose" themselves while being intimate.

B movie film producer Bobby Bowfinger has been saving up to direct a movie since he was ten years old: he now has $2,184 to pay for production costs. He has a script called "Chubby Rain" penned by an accountant, Afrim, and a camera operator, Dave, who has access to studio equipment through his job as a gofer. Bowfinger then lines up several actors who are hungry for work, along with a crowd of illegal Mexican immigrants as his camera crew; the only other thing he needs is a studio deal in order to distribute his masterwork. He extracts a promise from high-ranking Universal Pictures executive Jerry Renfro that Universal will distribute the film if it includes currently hot action star Kit Ramsey. Ramsey – a pompous, neurotic, and paranoid actor – refuses, so Bowfinger concocts a plan to covertly film all of Ramsey's scenes without his knowledge. The actors, told that Ramsey is method acting and will not be interacting with them outside of their scenes, walk up to Ramsey in public and recite their lines while hidden cameras catch Ramsey's confused reactions. The plan goes well at first: Ramsey (who is a member of a Scientology -like organization called MindHead) swallows the movie's alien invasion premise and believes he is genuinely being stalked by aliens, resulting in an exceptionally genuine and intense performance. However, the strain on his already-precarious mental state leads him to go into hiding in order to maintain his sanity, stalling the film's production. Bowfinger resorts to hiring a Ramsey lookalike named Jiff. Jiff is unassuming, amiable, and so naïve that Bowfinger is able to persuade him to run across a busy freeway for a scene by assuring him the speeding cars are all being driven by "stunt drivers". During a chat with the other cast members, Jiff reveals that he is Kit's twin brother, explaining the likeness. Using this new knowledge, Bowfinger tasks Jiff with finding out Kit's location and plans so they can ambush him and film the final scene. Only one scene remains to be shot: the finale set at the Griffith Observatory. Though otherwise pleased with Kit's unscripted dialogue, Bowfinger considers his character's final line "Gotcha, suckas!" to be the key moment of the film. Bowfinger directs Daisy, the female lead, to guide Kit through the scene under the guise of showing him how to get rid of the "aliens". During the filming, Kit becomes terrified and struggles to deliver the final line. At this point, Kit's MindHead mentor, Terry Stricter, who has discovered evidence that Kit's "aliens" may not be just in his head, shows up at the observatory and shuts down production. Bowfinger's camera crew show him B-roll footage of Kit Ramsey they were filming off-set, just in case they caught anything they could use. The footage shows Kit donning a paper bag over his head and exposing himself to the Laker Girl Cheerleading Squad, something Terry Stricter previously dissuaded him from doing. Bowfinger blackmails Stricter and the MindHead leadership with the footage, threatening to release it and ruin Ramsey's career (which would impact MindHead's finances as Ramsey is a major donor). Stricter acquiesces and Bowfinger finishes the film with Kit's cooperation, and the cast and crew finally get to attend the film's premiere where they are awed by the result. Following the apparent success of the film, Bowfinger receives an offer to direct a martial arts film in Taiwan starring Jiff. An elaborate fight scene from the new movie, Fake Purse Ninjas is seen, featuring everyone who worked on Chubby Rain.