In the near future, a technology enabling time travel has been developed and is now in commercial use. A group of unaging (thanks to anti-aging pills, which have also been developed) Nazis conspires to alter the results of the Second World War by traveling back in time and supplying Adolf Hitler with a hydrogen bomb. To this end, they bribe the corrupt time machine pilot Karel, who agrees to assist them. On the day of the scheduled journey, Karel chokes on a breadroll and dies. His identical twin brother, Jan, cannot bring himself to tell Karel's fiancée Eva and begins to impersonate Karel. He is also later mistaken for Karel by the Nazis and stumbles along with their plot. Having been a designer of the rocket-ship time machine, he is able to pilot the ship and take them all back in time. When he realizes the nature of the Nazis' plans, Jan resolves to prevent their success. After triggering several paradoxes by travelling back and forth in time, he manages to defeat the Nazis and resolve the consequences of his twin's death.

Andy Stitzer is a shy 40-year-old introvert who works as a stock supervisor at the electronics store Smart Tech. He gave up trying to have sex after various failed attempts and lives alone in an apartment with a collection of action figures and video games. When a conversation at a poker game with his co-workers, David, Jay, and Cal, turns to past sexual exploits, they figure out that he secretly is still a virgin. Andy is mortified upon discovering the next day that everyone else at work has learned about the secret, including their boss Paula, who is attracted to him and later privately offers to take his virginity. He almost quits work in humiliation before David consoles him and recommends trying again to have sex. David, Jay, and Cal become determined to help Andy achieve this. They all give differing advice on how to interact with women. David invites him to join them for a speed dating event and unsuccessfully tries to reconnect with his ex-girlfriend Amy there. Jay drags Andy to various social events, books a painful chest waxing appointment, and sets him up with a prostitute, which all end with embarrassing results. Cal advises Andy to be confident and to ask women questions instead of talking about himself. He practices this on a bookstore clerk named Beth, who quickly becomes intrigued by him. David gives Andy his pornography collection, encouraging him to masturbate. Andy eventually gets a date with a customer named Trish Piedmont. At the end of their first date, they almost have sex, but are interrupted by her 16-year-old daughter, Marla. Trish suggests they postpone having sex, and Andy enthusiastically agrees; they decide to abstain until their 20th date. Their relationship flourishes over the following weeks. She encourages Andy's dream of starting a business and helps fund it by selling his collectibles. After Marla argues with Trish over wanting birth control, Andy takes her to a group information session at a sexual health clinic, where she is mocked for being a virgin. Andy admits his virginity to defend her, earning him Marla's respect. Meanwhile, David suffers an emotional breakdown at work over his obsession with Amy, and takes a vow of celibacy. The breakdown prompts Paula to assign Andy his sales duties for the day, and she later promotes him to floor manager for his high sales quota. As Cal takes on Andy's previous role, he hires a woman named Bernadette to work at the store, hoping to match her with David so he can move on from Amy. After Jay's girlfriend, Jill, breaks up with him due to his infidelity, he concedes to Andy that sex can ruin a relationship. Following a reconciliation with Jill, Jay invites Andy and the others to a nightclub celebrating her pregnancy. Trish tries to initiate sex with Andy on their 20th date and becomes upset when he resists. They argue, and Andy leaves to meet his friends at a nightclub. He gets drunk and leaves with Beth to have sex at her apartment. Cal gets David and Bernadette to hook up, while Marla convinces Trish to reconcile with Andy. At Beth's, Andy sobers up and decides to leave without having sex, just as his friends arrive and encourage him to go back to Trish. Andy returns to his apartment to find Trish waiting for him. She has seen David's porn collection; he tries to explain, but she flees in alarm and disgust, fearing Andy may be a sexual deviant. While pursuing her on his bike, Andy collides with her car, flying through the side of a billboard truck. She rushes to his side, and Andy finally confesses that he is a virgin. Trish is relieved and accepting, and they profess their love for each other. They eventually marry in a lavish ceremony with everyone in attendance, having generated roughly $500,000 from the sales of his action figures to pay for it, before having sex for the first time. The film ends with a musical sequence where all the characters sing and dance to " Aquarius ".

At the wedding of Angus and Laura in Somerset, the perpetually late best man Charles, his flatmate Scarlett, his aristocratic friend Fiona and her brother Tom, Gareth and his partner Matthew, and Charles's deaf brother David, all gather. All are unmarried. At the reception, Charles meets Carrie, an American woman working in England. They spend the night together. In the morning, Carrie, who is returning to the U.S., laments that they may have "missed a great opportunity". Three months later, at the London wedding of Bernard and Lydia, Tom is the best man. At the reception, Charles runs into Carrie, who has returned to the UK. With Carrie is Hamish, her older, wealthy Scottish fiancé. Meanwhile, a pretty young woman, Serena, is attracted to David. During the reception, Charles is humiliated by several ex-girlfriends, including the distraught Henrietta, who claims Charles is a " serial monogamist " fearful of commitment. Charles retreats to an empty hotel suite and notices Carrie and Hamish departing by taxi, though Carrie returns to the reception shortly after; she and Charles spend a second night together. A month later, Charles receives an invitation to Carrie and Hamish's wedding. Charles runs into Carrie while searching for a wedding gift. He then helps Carrie choose a wedding dress. After, Charles awkwardly confesses he loves her, which Carrie gently rebuffs. A month later, Charles and his friends attend Carrie and Hamish's wedding. Scarlett meets Chester, a Texan, at the reception. Henrietta introduces her new boyfriend to Charles. Fiona, aware of Charles's unhappiness over Carrie, admits she loves him. Charles, though sympathetic, does not reciprocate her feelings. During Hamish's speech, Gareth suffers a fatal heart attack. At Gareth's funeral, Matthew delivers a heartfelt farewell to his love by reciting W. H. Auden 's " Funeral Blues ". Carrie and Charles share a brief moment, while Charles and Tom then ponder that, despite their clique's pride in being single, Gareth and Matthew were like a married couple. They wonder whether seeking "one true love" is futile. Ten months later, it is Charles and Henrietta's wedding. While seating guests, Tom meets his distant cousin, Deirdre, whom he has not seen since childhood; they are immediately smitten with each other. Scarlett and Chester are overjoyed to meet again. Carrie arrives and tells Charles that she and Hamish have separated following a difficult marriage. Charles has an emotional crisis inside the church's back room. After David and Matthew counsel him, Charles decides to proceed with the ceremony. When the vicar asks whether anyone has a reason why the couple should not marry, David uses British Sign Language to say the groom has doubts and loves someone else. After Charles confirms this, a furious Henrietta punches him at the altar, knocking him out and ending the ceremony. Later at his flat, Charles and the group are discussing the fiasco when Carrie arrives to apologise for causing trouble. Charles again says he loves her and proposes a lifelong commitment without marriage, which Carrie accepts. As they kiss, a thunderbolt flashes across the sky. In an ending photo montage, Henrietta has married an Army officer; David married Serena; Scarlett has married Chester, the Texan; Tom married Deirdre; Matthew has found a new partner; Fiona is with Prince Charles; and Charles and Carrie have had their first child.

In San Francisco, a blonde woman ties retired rock star Johnny Boz to a bed with a silk scarf during sex, then stabs him to death with an ice pick. SFPD Detective Nick Curran and his partner, Gus Moran, investigate the murder. The prime suspect is Boz's girlfriend, crime novelist Catherine Tramell, whose latest novel mirrors the details of the killing. Catherine is uncooperative with the investigators, taunting them by smoking during questioning and exposing herself. Though released for lack of evidence, she becomes a person of interest when Nick learns that she has a history of close relationships with violent individuals. These include her girlfriend Roxanne "Roxy" Hardy, who killed her younger brothers as a teenager, and Hazel Dobkins, a convicted family murderer. Nick, a recovering alcoholic with a history of drug abuse and a prior incident in which he accidentally shot two tourists, attends mandatory counseling with police psychologist Dr. Elizabeth Garner, with whom he has an unstable romantic relationship. He discovers that Catherine is using him as the inspiration for a new character—a detective who is murdered after falling for the wrong woman. When Nick suspects that his confidential psychiatric file has been leaked, he assaults internal affairs lieutenant Marty Nilsen, who had access to the file. Nilsen is later found murdered and Nick is placed on administrative leave. At Boz's nightclub, Nick sees Catherine and Roxy using cocaine. Later, at Catherine's home, she ties Nick to the bed during sex while Roxy watches. Moran expresses concern about Nick's involvement with Catherine and uncovers that Nilsen received a $50,000 payment months before Nick met her. Roxy attempts to kill Nick in a car attack but dies in the ensuing crash. Catherine reveals that she had an intense relationship with a woman in college who became obsessed with her. Nick suspects the woman was Garner, who claims the obsession went the other way. Investigating further, Nick finds that Nilsen had withdrawn a complaint Catherine filed against Garner years earlier. He also uncovers that a professor shared by Garner and Catherine was killed with an ice pick in an unsolved case resembling Catherine's fiction, and that Garner's former husband was murdered in another unresolved case investigated by Nilsen. Nick finds the draft of Catherine's new novel, which depicts a detective discovering his partner's body in an elevator. Catherine abruptly ends their relationship. Later, Moran tells Nick he has arranged to meet Catherine's former college roommate in Oakland to learn more about her and Garner. When Nick arrives, he finds Moran stabbed to death with an ice pick in an elevator, mirroring the novel. Garner arrives shortly afterward, claiming she was lured there by a message. Believing she is reaching for a weapon, Nick shoots and kills her but she is found to be unarmed. Police find evidence in Garner's apartment implicating her in multiple murders, including files and photographs related to Catherine. Nick is left confused and emotionally shaken. Later, Catherine returns to Nick's apartment and they have sex. As they lie in bed discussing their future, an ice pick lies unseen beneath the bed.

A singing narrator, Jonathan, introduces us to the story: in 1985, a high school student in Cumberland, Rhode Island, Ted Stroehmann, admires fellow student Mary Jensen from a distance. After Ted stands up to bullies to protect her developmentally disabled brother Warren, Mary asks Ted to the prom, as she has broken up with her boyfriend, Woogie. On the night of the prom, Ted gets his genitals caught in his fly. Ted is taken to the hospital and misses the prom. After that, Mary moved away, and Ted lost contact. 13 years later, Ted is a writer and thinks about Mary constantly. His best friend, Dom Woganowski, refers Ted to a private investigator, Pat Healy, to track her down. Pat discovers that she's an orthopedic surgeon living in Miami with Warren. After seeing Mary, Pat also becomes fixated on her. He lies to Ted about Mary, to try to disgust him and discourage him from contacting Mary. Pat moves to Miami, where he spies on Mary, and uses the information to charm her into dating him. Ted finds out that Pat lied about Mary. While driving to Miami to find Mary, he picks up a hitchhiker. Ted is mistakenly arrested for soliciting sex at a rest stop when he stops to urinate, and is charged with murder when the hitchhiker leaves a bag with body parts in his car. Ted is released after the hitchhiker confesses. Ted arrives in Miami with Dom, who picked him up from jail after seeing the arrest on TV. Ted finds Mary in Miami. He finds out that she's changed her name to Mary Matthews in order to evade a stalker. He asks her to dinner and she accepts. Mary stops dating Pat after her disabled friend, Tucker, shows her what he says are police records of Pat's criminal past, including murder. Pat follows Tucker and confronts him, discovering that he can walk, and that he's actually a pizza delivery boy named Norm, who is also stalking Mary. Dom advises Ted to masturbate before his dinner date with Mary to calm his nerves. When he answers the door to meet Mary, Ted doesn't notice that his ejaculate is stuck to his ear. Mary assumes the semen is hair gel, and puts it in her bangs. The date goes well and they continue to see each other, while Pat and Norm attempt to sabotage Ted by drugging Mary's neighbor Magda's dog with speed. Mary dumps Ted after she gets an anonymous letter revealing that Ted hired Pat to find her. Ted confronts Pat, who denies sending the letter. Dom shows up in Mary's apartment and admits he wrote the letter. Dom is revealed to be Mary's ex-boyfriend "Woogie" and the stalker that she changed her identity to evade. Norm and Pat, listening outside, hear Dom struggling to steal Mary's shoes, and intervene. Ted shows up with Brett Favre, another ex-boyfriend of Mary's whom she left based on Norm's lies. Ted declares that he can accept that he's no better than the other stalkers and that Mary should be with Brett. Ted leaves in tears. He's followed out by Mary, who has decided she'd be happiest with Ted. They kiss. Magda's boyfriend uses a sniper rifle to attempt to shoot Ted, as he's also infatuated with Mary and is only using Magda to get close to her. He misses, but hits the singing narrator, Jonathan.

Guy Hamilton, a novice foreign correspondent for an Australian radio network, arrives in Jakarta on assignment. He meets the close-knit members of the foreign correspondent community, including journalists from the UK, the US, and New Zealand; diplomatic personnel; and Billy Kwan, a photo-journalist and outlier in the journalist community. A Chinese-Australian man with dwarfism, high intelligence, and moral seriousness, Kwan is deeply involved with and concerned for the people of Jakarta and their tribulations, even regularly providing for a destitute woman and her young son. Guy is initially unsuccessful as a journalist because his predecessor, tired of life in Indonesia, had departed without introducing Guy to his contacts. He receives limited sympathy from the journalist community, which competes for scraps of information from Sukarno 's regime, the Communist Party of Indonesia (PKI), and the conservative, Muslim-dominated Indonesian military. However, Billy takes a liking to Guy and arranges interviews for him with key political figures. Billy introduces Guy to Jill Bryant, a beautiful young assistant at the British Embassy. Billy and Jill are close friends, yet Billy subtly manipulates her encounters with Guy. Since she is returning to the UK shortly, Jill initially resists Guy's attentions, but eventually they fall in love. When Jill discovers that the Chinese communists are arming the PKI in preparation for civil war, she passes this information to Guy, informing him that all foreigners will be in danger. She advises him to leave the country, but he uses the information to write about the communist rebellion that will occur when the arms shipment reaches Jakarta. Upset with Guy's lack of discretion and concerned it will lead back to Jill as the informant, Billy and Jill cut off contact with Guy; he is left with the American journalist Pete Curtis and his own assistant and driver Kumar, who is secretly a member of the PKI. Kumar, however, remains loyal to Guy, and tries to open his eyes to all that is going on. After the boy Billy had been caring for becomes ill and dies, Billy becomes despondent and disillusioned over Sukarno's failure to meet the needs of the Indonesian people. He hangs a banner with "Sukarno feed your people" from the Hotel Indonesia to express his outrage, but he is thrown from the window by security men and dies in Guy's arms. His death is also witnessed by Jill. Still pursuing his civil war scoop, Guy attempts to access the presidential palace where, having learned of the communist shipment, the army generals have taken over and unleashed executions. Struck down by an army officer, Guy suffers a serious eye injury. Resting alone in Billy's bungalow, Guy recalls a passage from the Bhagavad Gita, "all is clouded by desire", which Billy had recited to him. Kumar visits him and tells him about the failed coup attempt. Risking permanent damage to his eye, a bandaged Guy implores Kumar to drive him to the airport, where he boards the last plane out of Jakarta and is reunited with Jill.

In 1973 San Fernando Valley, 15-year-old actor Gary Valentine meets 25-year-old Alana Kane, a photographer's assistant, at his school picture day. She is put off by his invitation to dinner, but shows up anyway. When Gary's mother cannot chaperone him on a press tour performance in New York City, he invites Alana. He is jealous when Alana begins dating his co-star Lance, but they break up after Lance reveals he is an atheist during Shabbat dinner with her Jewish family. Gary begins selling waterbeds and reconnects with Alana at a teenage trade expo. Mistaken for a murder suspect, Gary is arrested and Alana runs after him to the police station, but he is soon released. Alana joins Gary's waterbed business, acting seductively on the phone to land a potential customer. Introducing her to his talent agent, he is upset that she is open to nudity but refuses to show him her breasts. She impulsively does so, but slaps him when he asks to touch them. They open a "Fat Bernie's" storefront for their waterbeds, and Alana is hurt when Gary flirts with his classmate Sue. Peeking in on them making out in the back room, Alana kisses a man on the street before storming off back home. Gary's agent secures an audition for Alana for a film starring veteran actor Jack Holden, who takes her to the Tail o' the Cock restaurant, where Gary and his friends are also dining. An intoxicated Alana makes Gary jealous, and Holden's friend, film director Rex Blau, convinces him to recreate one of his motorcycle stunts on a nearby golf course, bringing the entire restaurant along. Alana topples off the bike before Holden jumps over a flaming sand trap, and Gary runs to her side. Reconciled, they walk to the waterbed store, where Gary stops himself from touching a sleeping Alana's breast. The 1973 oil crisis sweeps the country, forcing the waterbed manufacturer to close. Alana, Gary, and his friends make one final delivery to the home of Jon Peters, who humiliates Gary before leaving to meet his girlfriend, Barbra Streisand. Filling up the waterbed inside, Gary intentionally leaves the hose running, with Alana's approval. They drive away but are waved down by an agitated Peters, whose car has run out of gas, and leave him at a crowded gas station when he violently commandeers a gas pump. Gary stops to smash Peters's car, but runs out of gas as well. Alana maneuvers their truck backward down a long hill to a gas station, impressing Gary, but causing her to question her recent decisions. Inspired by a campaign poster, Alana reaches out to her old classmate Brian, who brings her on as volunteer staffer for Joel Wachs, a city councilman running for mayor. Gary briefly joins her but overhears that pinball will soon be legalized in the Valley and decides to open an arcade, leading to an argument with Alana about their difference in age and their fraught relationship. Emasculating Gary to make herself feel superior, Alana offers to drive him home in an attempt to make peace, but Gary drives off alone. Later, Gary prepares for the opening night of his arcade, remodeling his storefront into "Fat Bernie's Pinball Palace." That same night, Alana nearly shares a kiss with Brian, but is interrupted by an invitation from Wachs. Thinking it is a date, she is dejected to discover Wachs wants her to pose as the girlfriend of his secret boyfriend, Matthew, to save him from political embarrassment. Alana walks a deeply hurt Matthew home, and they commiserate over the men in their lives. She goes to the arcade to find Gary, who has left to look for her at Wachs's office, with her sisters' encouragement. They eventually run to each other's arms and return to the arcade, where Gary announces her as "Mrs. Alana Valentine." Sharing a kiss, they run into the night, and Alana tells Gary that she loves him.

One night while leaving a business party in the Hollywood Hills, corporate raider Edward Lewis takes his lawyer Philip's Lotus Esprit and finds himself in the red-light district on Hollywood Boulevard, where he meets street walker Vivian Ward. Lost and struggling to operate the stickshift car, Edward accepts Vivian's offer to drive him to the Regent Beverly Wilshire Hotel. Impulsively, he hires her for the whole night, and despite initial awkwardness, they have sex in his penthouse suite. The following day, Edward asks Vivian to stay for the week, as he must attend a series of business events while attempting to acquire Jim Morse's shipbuilding company. After negotiating, Edward and Vivian agree on $3,000. He also gives her money to buy appropriate clothes. When Vivian tries to shop on Rodeo Drive, snobbish and rude saleswomen turn her away because of the way she looks. She asks hotel manager Barney for assistance. He gets store saleslady Bridget to find her a cocktail dress for that evening's business dinner. Later, she gets Barney to teach her table etiquette. Edward is astounded by Vivian's transformation. At dinner, he introduces Vivian to Morse and his grandson David, who is to take over the company. The dinner does not go well, as they are unhappy with Edward's plan to dismantle their company. Later, Edward tells Vivian about his personal and business life, including his estranged relationship with his late father. Edward takes Vivian along as his date to a polo match. When Philip sees Vivian talking to David Morse, he tells Edward his suspicions that she is a corporate spy. Edward dismisses Philip's concerns by explaining their arrangement. With the knowledge of Vivian's true background, the married Philip talks to her alone and crudely propositions her for her services. Back in Edward's suite, Vivian is angry with Edward for exposing her in that way. He apologizes, admitting that he was jealous of Vivian talking to David. Edward takes Vivian by private jet to see La traviata at the San Francisco Opera, a story about a prostitute who falls in love with a wealthy man. She is moved, and she breaks her "no kissing" rule before having sex with him. Believing Edward has fallen asleep, Vivian says she loves him. As the week is almost finished, Edward offers to get Vivian a condominium and an allowance, promising to visit her regularly. However, Vivian feels he is treating her like a prostitute. She shares her childhood fantasy of being rescued by a knight on a white steed. Edward meets with Morse, but chooses to work with him to save his company instead of dismantling it. Philip, furious that Edward's new direction has cost him a fortune, goes to the Beverly Wilshire to confront him. He finds Vivian. Blaming her for Edward's changes and angry at his business decision, Philip hits her and attempts to rape her. Edward arrives, pulls Philip off Vivian, punches him, and fires him. After completing his business in Los Angeles, Edward asks Vivian to stay with him for one more night, but only if she wants to, not because he is paying her. She gently refuses and leaves after telling him she thinks he has "lots of special gifts". Vivian returns to her apartment hotel to pack for her move to San Francisco to get a new job and a high-school diploma. She gives her roommate, fellow prostitute Kit De Luca, some money and tells her she has "a lot of potential". Kit leaves sex work and enrolls in beauty classes. Vivian then waits in the apartment for the bus. Edward has the chauffeur take him to her apartment. He climbs out of the white limousine's sunroof and ascends the fire escape to "rescue" Vivian, just like the knight in her childhood fantasy. When he asks her what happens after the knight rescues her, she responds, "She rescues him right back", and kisses him.

In the wealthy African nation of Zamunda, crown prince Akeem Joffer grows weary of his pampered lifestyle on his 21st birthday and wishes to do more for himself without servants at his every whim. When his parents King Jaffe and Queen Aoleon present him with Imani Izzi, an arranged bride-to-be, Akeem takes action. King Jaffe gives Akeem 40 days to sew his wild oats and visit the world before the wedding commences. Seeking an independent woman who could think for herself and love him for himself and not his social status, Akeem and his best friend/personal aide Semmi travel to the New York City borough of Queens and rent a squalid tenement in the neighborhood of Jackson Heights under the guise of poor foreign students. Beginning their search for Akeem's bride, Akeem and Semmi are invited by local barber shop owner Clarence to a rally raising money for the neighborhood. During the rally, Akeem encounters Lisa McDowell who possesses all the qualities he is looking for in a woman. Upon his insistence, he and Semmi get entry-level jobs working at the local fast-food restaurant called McDowell's, a McDonald's knockoff owned by Lisa's widowed father Cleo, who is dodging trademark infringement accusations from McDonalds. Akeem's attempts to win Lisa's love are complicated by Lisa's lazy and obnoxious boyfriend Darryl Jenks whose father owns Soul Glo (a Jheri curl –like hairstyling aid). He even agreed to accompany them along with Lisa's sister, Patrice, on a double-date to a basketball game where he is recognized by an immigrant from Zamunda. After stopping an armed robber who hit McDowells on multiple occasions, Akeem and Semmi are invited to Cleo's home, where he assigned them duties for a soiree he was hosting. There, Darryl announces his engagement to Lisa—without Lisa's consent—to their families. Infuriated by this, she calls it off with Darryl and starts dating Akeem who claims that he comes from a family of poor goat herders. Meanwhile, Semmi hooks up with Patrice, telling her half the truth, claiming to be the prince, himself. Although Akeem thrives on hard work and learning how commoners live, Semmi is not comfortable with living in such meager conditions. After a dinner date with Lisa is thwarted when Semmi furnishes their apartment with a hot tub and other high end luxuries, Akeem confiscates his money and donates it to a homeless Mortimer and Randolph Duke. Semmi wires a telegraph to King Jaffe for more money, prompting the Joffers to travel to Queens to find him. Cleo initially disapproves of Akeem as he believes he is poor and therefore not good enough for his daughter. He becomes ecstatic when he discovers that Akeem is actually an extremely wealthy prince, after meeting his parents. When Akeem discovers that his parents have arrived in New York, he and Lisa go to the McDowell residence in Jamaica Estates to lie low and Cleo welcomes them while driving away Darryl. After Cleo's bond with Akeem is ruined by the unexpected arrival of the Zamundan entourage, Lisa later becomes angry and confused that Akeem lied to her about his identity. When King Jaffe insults Lisa's status, an offended Cleo comes to his daughters aid and refuses to take a dime from Jaffe. Akeem later chases down Lisa and explains that he wanted her to love him for who, not what, he is, even offering to renounce his throne. Still hurt and angry, Lisa refuses to marry him and returns him the jeweled earrings he gifted her in secret. Despondent, Akeem resigns himself to the arranged marriage with Imani. As they leave, Aoleon reprimands Jaffe for clinging to outdated traditions instead of thinking of their son's happiness. At the wedding procession, a still-heartbroken Akeem becomes surprised when his veiled bride is Lisa herself as Cleo also comes out. Following the ceremony, they ride happily in a carriage to the cheers of Zamundans. Witnessing such splendor, Lisa is both surprised and touched by the fact that Akeem would have given it up just for her. Akeem offers again to abdicate if she does not want this life but Lisa playfully declines.

Destitute alcoholic Henry Chinaski lives in a Los Angeles rundown apartment and works menial jobs when he can find them. He also writes poetry and short stories which he submits to magazines and papers for little money. Henry frequents The Golden Horn, a bar where he drinks, hangs out with other alcoholics, and gets into altercations with the bartender he hates, Eddie. One night, Henry gets into a fight with Eddie and loses. To gain energy and win the next fight, he takes a sandwich from a patron and eats it, disgusting the patron and angering the bar owner, Jim, one of Henry's best friends. Jim tells Henry to go lie down in his apartment. After an afternoon nap, Henry steals food from another apartment to eat in preparation to fight Eddie. Henry then returns to The Golden Horn and antagonizes Eddie until the latter challenges him to another fight, which Henry wins. Henry then staggers on to the Kenmore, a nearby establishment where he continues his imbibement. There, he meets Wanda, an alcoholic and a kept woman. Wanda is initially annoyed with Henry, saying that she "hates people," but ends up being intrigued by him. The two buy liquor at a nearby store, and Wanda steals corn from a cornfield, attracting the attention of the police. The two run to her apartment, evading them. Wanda boils the corn but discovers it is green and inedible and freaks out, saying that nothing in her life ever works out. Henry comforts her. However, things become acrimonious between Henry and Wanda when Henry discovers that Wanda has slept with Eddie. After he chastises her for it, Wanda beats Henry with her purse, knocking him unconscious. Later, a detective following Henry sees him covered in blood and calls 911. Two paramedics arrive and are unfazed by Henry's being covered in blood, telling him not to waste their time. Wanda returns later, and the two apologize to one another. That night, Wanda claims to be dying in bed, seeing angels. Henry calls 911 and the same paramedics arrive, much to his surprise, and claim Wanda is just drunk and "too fat." After Wanda leaves to look for a job the next morning, Henry is tracked down by Tully Sorenson, a wealthy book publisher who has been impressed with his writing and is interested in publishing some of his work. She finds him through the detective she has hired. Knowing Henry is destitute, Tully pays him an "advance" of $500. Henry then breaks into another apartment after hearing a man abusing his wife. After the man threatens to cut his wife's throat, he and Henry get into an altercation which results in the man being stabbed. Henry scrambles out of the apartment building and goes for a drive in L.A. with Tully. At one point, he rams a car where a man and woman are making out while the light is green. Tully says he was immature and reckless in his response. She then takes him back to her home where, after drinks, the two have sex. At first, Henry is impressed with the promise of wealth and security, including an endless supply of booze that working for Tully could provide. However, he begins to realize that he is uncomfortable being involved with Tully, romantically or professionally, because of class differences, saying that she is "trapped in a cage with golden bars". Henry determines he must leave. He and Wanda go to the Golden Horn, where Henry requests a round on him for the entire bar. To Eddie's surprise, Henry pays with some of the advance he received from Tully and sarcastically leaves a tip for Eddie, saying "Buy a drink on me." Tully heads out to see if she can change his mind and finds him at the bar where a drunken, jealous Wanda proceeds to beat her up. When Henry does not intercede, Tully realizes that Henry does not care about her and does not want her help. So she leaves the bar and gives up on publishing his work. Eddie calls Henry out, and they go out behind the bar for another fight. Henry and the other barflies follow Eddie out the door, the fight starts, and the crowd cheers the two men.

David is escorted to a hotel after his wife leaves him for another man. The hotel manager reveals that single people have 45 days to find a partner or they will be transformed into an animal of their choice (the dog accompanying David is his brother Bob). David is set on becoming a lobster, should he fail. David makes the acquaintance of Robert, a man with a lisp, and John, a man with a limp. Guests are fixated on finding a mate with whom they share superficial traits such as minor ailments, which they believe to be the key to compatibility. The hotel has many rules and rituals: masturbation is banned, but sexual stimulation by the hotel maid is mandatory, and guests attend dances and watch propaganda extolling the advantages of partnership. Residents can extend their deadline by hunting and tranquilizing the single people who live in the forest, with each captured " loner " earning them an additional day. On the way to a hunt, a woman with a fondness for butter biscuits offers David sexual favours, which he declines. She tells him that if she fails to find a mate, she will kill herself by jumping from a hotel window. John wins the affections of a woman with constant nosebleeds by purposely smashing his nose in secret. They move to the couples' section to begin a month-long trial partnership. David later decides to court a notoriously cruel woman who has tranquilized more loners than anyone else. Their initial conversation is accompanied by the screams of the biscuit-loving woman, who has injured herself by jumping from a first floor window. David pretends to enjoy the woman's suffering to gain the heartless woman's interest. He later joins her in a hot tub where she feigns choking on an olive to test him. Noticing that he makes no attempt to help her, she decides that they are a match, and the two are shifted to the couples' suite. David wakes up one morning and finds she has killed Bob. As David tearfully mourns him, she concludes that their relationship is a lie and attempts to drag him to the hotel manager to have him turned into the "animal that no one wants to be" as punishment. He escapes and, with the help of a sympathetic maid (later revealed as a mole working for the loners), tranquilizes his partner and transforms her into an unspecified animal. David escapes the hotel and joins the loners in the woods. In contrast to the hotel, they forbid any kind of romance, which is punishable by mutilation. David, who is short-sighted, begins a secret relationship with a woman who is also short-sighted. They develop a gestural language they use to communicate. They are taken on covert missions to the nearby city, where their cover requires them to appear as husband and wife, which they secretly enjoy. Because they have the required superficial traits in common and genuinely enjoy each other's company, they make a plan to leave the loners and rejoin society. The loners launch a raid to sabotage the hotel. David tells the woman with nosebleeds that John has been faking his. Other loners hold the hotel manager and her husband at gunpoint, tricking him into shooting his wife to save himself, but the gun is not loaded. They leave the couple to face each other. The leader of the loners obtains the short-sighted woman's journal and discovers David's plan to escape with her. The leader and the maid take the woman to the city, ostensibly to have an operation to cure her short-sightedness, but instead have her blinded. The woman attempts to stab the leader, but the leader uses the maid as a human shield and pretends to die when the woman stabs the maid to death. David and the woman try to find something else that they have in common, to no avail. One morning, David overpowers the leader, leaving her tied up in an open grave to be eaten alive by wild dogs. He and the blind woman escape to the city and stop at a restaurant. David goes to the restroom and hesitantly prepares to blind himself with a steak knife.