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There's Something About Mary
A singing narrator, Jonathan, introduces us to the story: in 1985, a high school student in Cumberland, Rhode Island, Ted Stroehmann, admires fellow student Mary Jensen from a distance. After Ted stands up to bullies to protect her developmentally disabled brother Warren, Mary asks Ted to the prom, as she has broken up with her boyfriend, Woogie. On the night of the prom, Ted gets his genitals caught in his fly. Ted is taken to the hospital and misses the prom. After that, Mary moved away, and Ted lost contact.
13 years later, Ted is a writer and thinks about Mary constantly. His best friend, Dom Woganowski, refers Ted to a private investigator, Pat Healy, to track her down. Pat discovers that she's an orthopedic surgeon living in Miami with Warren. After seeing Mary, Pat also becomes fixated on her. He lies to Ted about Mary, to try to disgust him and discourage him from contacting Mary. Pat moves to Miami, where he spies on Mary, and uses the information to charm her into dating him.
Ted finds out that Pat lied about Mary. While driving to Miami to find Mary, he picks up a hitchhiker. Ted is mistakenly arrested for soliciting sex at a rest stop when he stops to urinate, and is charged with murder when the hitchhiker leaves a bag with body parts in his car. Ted is released after the hitchhiker confesses. Ted arrives in Miami with Dom, who picked him up from jail after seeing the arrest on TV.
Ted finds Mary in Miami. He finds out that she's changed her name to Mary Matthews in order to evade a stalker. He asks her to dinner and she accepts. Mary stops dating Pat after her disabled friend, Tucker, shows her what he says are police records of Pat's criminal past, including murder. Pat follows Tucker and confronts him, discovering that he can walk, and that he's actually a pizza delivery boy named Norm, who is also stalking Mary. Dom advises Ted to masturbate before his dinner date with Mary to calm his nerves. When he answers the door to meet Mary, Ted doesn't notice that his ejaculate is stuck to his ear. Mary assumes the semen is hair gel, and puts it in her bangs. The date goes well and they continue to see each other, while Pat and Norm attempt to sabotage Ted by drugging Mary's neighbor Magda's dog with speed.
Mary dumps Ted after she gets an anonymous letter revealing that Ted hired Pat to find her. Ted confronts Pat, who denies sending the letter. Dom shows up in Mary's apartment and admits he wrote the letter. Dom is revealed to be Mary's ex-boyfriend "Woogie" and the stalker that she changed her identity to evade. Norm and Pat, listening outside, hear Dom struggling to steal Mary's shoes, and intervene. Ted shows up with Brett Favre, another ex-boyfriend of Mary's whom she left based on Norm's lies. Ted declares that he can accept that he's no better than the other stalkers and that Mary should be with Brett. Ted leaves in tears. He's followed out by Mary, who has decided she'd be happiest with Ted. They kiss. Magda's boyfriend uses a sniper rifle to attempt to shoot Ted, as he's also infatuated with Mary and is only using Magda to get close to her. He misses, but hits the singing narrator, Jonathan.