In a dystopian near future, Cassius "Cash" Green and his artist girlfriend Detroit live in the garage of Cash's uncle Sergio. Struggling to pay rent, Cash gets a job as a telemarketer for RegalView. He struggles with customers until his older co-worker Langston teaches him how to use his " white voice " and adopt a blithe, affluent persona during calls, at which Cash excels. Cash's co-worker Squeeze forms a union and recruits Cash, Detroit, and their friend Sal. When Cash participates in a protest, he expects to be fired but is instead promoted to an elite "Power Caller" position within the company. In the luxurious Power Caller suite, the lead Power Caller known as Mr. _______ tells Cash to always use his white voice. He learns that RegalView secretly sells military arms and cheap labor from the megacorporation WorryFree, through which employees sign lifetime contracts to work and be housed in factories, i.e. slave labor. Though Cash is initially uncomfortable with the job, he is celebrated at work and can now afford a new apartment and a flashy car while paying off Sergio's house, keeping him from joining WorryFree in the process. Through his newfound success, he initially improves his relationship with Detroit and boosts his sex life significantly. He stops participating in the union push and Detroit quits her RegalView job to avoid conflicting loyalties between the two, while secretly participating in the Left Eye Faction, an anti-WorryFree activist group. She eventually breaks up with Cash, arguing that his immoral job has changed him, while he insists he has the right to be proud of his success. As Cash is escorted through the union's picket line one morning, a picketer throws a can of soda at his head and injures him. Footage of the incident becomes a popular Internet meme, and even the woman who threw the can profits from it when she signs a sponsorship with the soda brand she threw. Cash attends Detroit's art exhibit and artistic performance uninvited, at which she uses a white voice of her own. He tries to stop the event, but that only motivates Detroit to kick him out, and she later has "everything but sex" with Squeeze. Cash is invited to a debaucherous party with WorryFree CEO Steve Lift, where he is goaded into rapping for the predominantly white guests. Later, in a private meeting, Steve offers Cash a powdered substance which Cash snorts, believing it is cocaine. Cash looks for the bathroom but takes a wrong turn and discovers a shackled half-horse, half-human hybrid who begs him for help. Steve explains that WorryFree plans to make their workers stronger, more obedient, and more profitable by transforming them into human-horse "Equisapiens" through snorting a powder that modifies their DNA. Cash fears that he just ingested the substance, but Steve assures him it was cocaine. Cash refuses an offer of $100 million to become an Equisapien for five years to act as a false revolutionary figure to keep the employees in line. Cash discovers he dropped his phone when he encountered the Equisapiens, who recorded a plea for help with it and sent it to Detroit. Taking advantage of his infamy as a meme, he appears on the extremely popular television show I Got the Shit Kicked Out of Me, where he endures humiliations and beatings in order to share the video to spread the word about WorryFree's cruelty. The plan backfires: Equisapiens are hailed as a groundbreaking scientific advancement, a cult of personality develops around Steve, and WorryFree's stock price reaches an all-time high. Cash apologizes to Squeeze, Sal, and Detroit, and rallies the union in a final stand against RegalView. He uses a security code from the Equisapiens' video to break into Steve's home. He goes to the picket line, where the police start a riot and detain him, but the Equisapiens overpower them and free him. Cash and Detroit reconcile and move back into Sergio's garage, once again poor but happy together. However, Cash suddenly starts to turn into an Equisapien, with Steve having lied to him about the cocaine. Sometime later, a fully transformed Cash leads a mob of other Equisapiens to Steve's house and breaks down the door.

The film opens in documentary style, chronicling the work of Michelangelo Buonarroti.It then follows Michelangelo, a renowned Cinquecento sculptor of the Republic of Florence, in the early 16th century, and shows him at work on large-scale sculptures near St. Peter's Basilica. When Pope Julius II commissions him to paint the Sistine Chapel, Michelangelo resists because he finds the ceiling's paneled layout of the Twelve Apostles uninspiring. Nonetheless, he is forced into taking the job. During the initial attempt, Michelangelo is discontented with the results, and destroys the frescoes. He flees to Carrara, and then into the mountains where he finds inspiration from nature. Michelangelo returns and is allowed to paint the entire vault in a variety of newly designed biblical scenes based on the Book of Genesis, which the Pope approves. The work proceeds nonstop, even with Mass in session. Michelangelo faces opposition and criticism from the Pope's cardinals, due to its depictons of nudity in the paintings. As months turn to years, Michelangelo's work is threatened when he collapses due to fatigue. He is nursed back to health by Contessina de' Medici, daughter of his old friend Lorenzo de' Medici. After recovering, Michelangelo returns to work after learning he is at risk of being replaced by Raphael, whom the Pope commissions to paint the reception rooms of the Papal palace. Meanwhile, the Papal States are threatened during the War of the League of Cambrai. Preparing for battle and having reached the limits of his patience, the Pope terminates Michelangelo's contract, and has the scaffolding torn down. Raphael, impressed with the work in progress, asks Michelangelo to show humility and finish the ceiling. Michelangelo travels to see the injured and weakened Pope, and pleads for him to restore the patronage. Though the Pope believes an invasion of Rome is inevitable, he raises the money needed to resume work on the ceiling. One night, Michelangelo finds the ailing Pope inspecting the portrait of God in The Creation of Adam, which the Pope declares "a proof of faith" yet doubts Michelangelo's conception of God as merciful and Adam as innocent, then the Pope collapses and becomes bedridden. Though everyone assumes that the Pope will die, Michelangelo goads him into having the will to live and to finish his work and asks permission to allow him return to Florence, a request the Pope refuses. As Michelangelo leaves, the Pope recovers and upon seeing the cardinals and the monks, as well the choir, he angrily shooes them away. The tide of war turns in favor of the Papal States, as allies (including England and Spain) pledge to assist the Pope. A Mass is held in which the congregation is shown the completed ceiling, to a positive response. After the ceremony, Michelangelo asks to begin carving the Pope's tomb. Realizing he has a short time to live, the Pope agrees but changes his mind when he gives Michelangelo another commission to paint a new fresco behind the altarpiece to replace the dilapidated ones (and gives Michelangelo the choice of subject like the crucifixion or the last judgment). The Pope then admits that Michelangelo's conception of God is accurate before goading him to continue his work. As the Pope leaves, Michelangelo turns back to look at the space behind the altarpiece, where he will later paint his Last Judgement 25 years later.

Robert Syverton, a homeless man, recalls the events leading to an unstated crime. As a boy, he witnessed a horse that had broken its leg being shot to 'put it out of its misery'. Years later, during the Great Depression, he wanders into a dance marathon that is about to begin in a shabby ballroom on the Santa Monica Pier. Couples are competing for a $1,500 cash prize and hoping to be spotted by Hollywood celebrities and talent scouts in the audience. Robert is recruited by Rocky Gravo, the contest's promoter and emcee, to be the partner of a world-weary, bitter young woman named Gloria Beatty, after her previous partner is disqualified for bronchitis. Other contestants include retired sailor Harry Kline, emotionally fragile aspiring London actress Alice LeBlanc, her partner and aspiring actor Joel Girard, and impoverished farmer James Bates and his pregnant wife Ruby. Early in the marathon, the weaker pairs are eliminated quickly. Rocky observes the vulnerabilities of stronger contestants and exploits them for the audience's amusement. The arena uses quack doctors to cover up the extreme physical and mental damage to participants. Frayed nerves are exacerbated by the theft of one of Alice's dresses (by Rocky, as he later reveals) and Gloria's displeasure over the attention Robert shows Alice. Robert ends up pairing off with Alice, and Gloria takes Joel as her partner, switching to Harry after Joel leaves for a job. Weeks into the marathon, to spark the spectators' enthusiasm, Rocky stages a series of derbies in which the couples race in tandem around the dance floor, with the last three pairs eliminated. Harry dies of a heart attack in mid-lap, and Gloria avoids elimination by dragging him across the finish line. Rocky "disqualifies" Harry, concealing his death from the audience, and the medics remove his body from the dance floor. When Alice suffers a nervous breakdown, a sympathetic Rocky comforts her and removes her from the competition to receive genuine medical care. Lacking partners, Robert and Gloria team up once again. Rocky suggests Robert and Gloria get married during the marathon, a publicity stunt guaranteed to earn them cash and gifts from supporters such as Mrs. Laydon, a wealthy woman who sponsors them throughout the contest. When Gloria refuses, Rocky reveals the invoice sheet: expenses will be deducted from the prize money, meaning even if the pair manage to win, they will leave with nothing. Disheartened, Gloria and Robert withdraw from the competition and leave the dance hall. As the two walk out onto the pier, a despondent Gloria confesses to Robert how empty she feels and that she is tired of life. She takes a gun from her purse and points it at her head, but cannot bring herself to pull the trigger. Desperate, she begs Robert to shoot her, which he does. Police officers arrive to arrest Robert and remove Gloria's body. Asked why he did it, Robert tells the police that she asked him to, adding, "They shoot horses, don't they?" Meanwhile, the marathon continues with the few remaining couples, having already reached 1,491 hours.

Buckaroo Banzai and his mentor Dr. Tohichi Hikita perfect the "oscillation overthruster", a device that allows an object to pass through solid matter. Banzai tests it by driving his Jet Car through a mountain. While in transit, he finds himself in another dimension. After exiting the mountain and returning to his normal dimension, he discovers an alien organism has attached itself to his car. Dr. Emilio Lizardo, incarcerated at the Trenton Home for the Criminally Insane, sees a television news story of Banzai's successful test. In 1938, Drs. Lizardo and Hikita had built a prototype overthruster in Princeton, New Jersey, but he tested it before it was ready and became stuck between dimensions. In those moments, he saw alien creatures and struggled until freed by his colleagues, emerging crazily changed and violent. Understanding that Banzai has finally accessed the 8th dimension, Lizardo escapes the asylum and plots to steal the overthruster. Banzai and his band, "The Hong Kong Cavaliers", are performing at a nightclub when Banzai interrupts their musical intro to speak to a sad woman in the audience, Penny Priddy. During a song he performs especially for her (" Since I Don't Have You "), she attempts to shoot herself, which is mistaken for an assassination attempt on Banzai. After questioning her at the New Brunswick jail, he realizes she is his late wife Peggy's long-lost identical twin sister and bails her out. Later, during a press conference to discuss his Jet Car experience, the overthruster, and the specimen of alien/transdimensional life he obtained while traversing the 8th dimension, Banzai is called to the phone, where he receives an electrical shock. Simultaneously, strange men disrupt the event and kidnap Hikita. When Banzai returns, his electrical shock enables him to recognize them as humanoid aliens, and he gives chase. He rescues Hikita, and they evade the aliens long enough for the Cavaliers to rescue them. Banzai and the Cavaliers return to the Banzai Institute, where they are met by John Parker, a messenger from John Emdall, the leader of the peaceful Black Lectroids of Planet 10. Parker delivers a recording from Emdall in which she explains that her people have been at war with the hostile Red Lectroids for years, managing to banish them to the 8th dimension. Lizardo's failed test of the overthruster in 1938 allowed the Red Lectroids' tyrannical leader, Lord John Whorfin, to take over Lizardo's mind and enable several dozen of his allies to escape. Because Banzai has now perfected the overthruster, Emdall fears Whorfin and his allies will try to acquire it to free the other Red Lectroids and tasks Banzai with stopping Whorfin; otherwise, the Black Lectroids will attack Russia from their orbiting ship, triggering a nuclear World War III that will annihilate the Red Lectroids on Earth as well as humankind. The Cavaliers track the Red Lectroids to Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems in New Jersey. They realize that Orson Welles 's broadcast of The War of the Worlds described the Lectroids' arrival in Grovers Mill, New Jersey in 1938, though afterward the Lectroids forced him to state it was fictional. Yoyodyne has been building a spacecraft to cross over to the 8th dimension, disguised as a new United States Air Force bomber. While the Cavaliers plan their response, Red Lectroids break into the Institute and kidnap Penny, unaware that they have also captured the overthruster, which she was carrying. At Yoyodyne, Penny refuses to tell the Red Lectroids where the overthruster is, and they begin torturing her. Banzai enters Yoyodyne headquarters alone; the Cavaliers soon follow, reinforced by several groups of the Blue Blaze Irregulars—civilians recruited to assist the Cavaliers. Banzai saves Penny and fights off the Red Lectroids, though she is wounded and unconscious. While the Cavaliers tend to her, Banzai and Parker sneak into a pod on the Yoyodyne spacecraft. Lacking Banzai's overthruster, Whorfin insists they use his imperfect model, which fails to make the dimensional transition; instead, the Red Lectroid spaceship breaks through the Yoyodyne wall and takes off into the atmosphere. Lord Whorfin ejects the pod containing Banzai and Parker from the craft, but they activate it and use its weapon systems to destroy Whorfin and the other Red Lectroids. Banzai parachutes back to Earth while Parker returns to his people in orbit using the pod. With the situation resolved and war averted, Banzai finds Penny, who appears to have died from her injuries. When he gives her a farewell kiss, Emdall allows Banzai one more brief moment of electricity, reviving Penny.

Following the impact of a meteorite into Earth 65 million years ago, the universe is split into a pair of parallel dimensions. Surviving dinosaurs escape into the new dimension, evolving into a humanoid race and founding a city known as Dinohattan. In 1973, a mysterious woman leaves a large egg and a fragment of the meteorite at a Catholic orphanage in Brooklyn, New York City. The egg hatches into a baby girl. Twenty years later, Italian-American brothers Mario and Luigi working as plumbers in Brooklyn are close to being driven out of business by mafioso Anthony Scapelli's construction company. Luigi meets Daisy, a New York University archaeology student who shows him she has been excavating for dinosaur bones under the Brooklyn Bridge. There, they witness Scapelli's cronies sabotaging it by leaving the water pipes open. Mario and Luigi fix it, but Iggy and Spike —henchmen and cousins of President "King" Koopa, the illegitimate leader of the other dimension—kidnap Daisy after mistakenly kidnapping other girls, including Mario's girlfriend, Daniella. The duo pursues them through an interdimensional portal to Dinohattan, where they lose track of Daisy and her necklace, which is stolen by Big Bertha, the bouncer of a local nightclub. Daisy learns she is descended from dinosaurs and the long-lost princess of the other dimension. Her father, the king, was devolved by Koopa, then a general in the king's army, into a fungus that has since spread across Dinohattan; her mother, the queen, took her to Brooklyn, only to be crushed to death when the portal was sealed. Iggy and Spike realize that they lost Daisy's necklace, which contains a fragment of the meteorite that will allow it to merge the dimensions. They believe only Daisy can do so because of her royal heritage. Mario and Luigi break out of the city's local prison and go to rescue Daisy, aided by the fungus as well as Toad, a good-natured guitarist who was devolved into a Goomba, a semi-humanoid dinosaur, as punishment for his protests against Koopa. Daisy's escape attempt is aided by Yoshi, a pet of the royal family, and Iggy and Spike, who decide to turn on Koopa following their cousin's use of the (d)evolution gun to enhance their intelligence. While Luigi rescues Daisy, Mario saves Daniella and the other girls who were mistaken for the princess. Koopa's jealous girlfriend, Lena, tries unsuccessfully to kill Daisy, then obtains the fragment with plans to overthrow him, but is fossilized when she merges the dimensions. In Brooklyn, Koopa attempts his takeover, but Luigi and Daisy remove the fragment from the meteorite, and the dimensions separate. Toad gives Mario and Luigi handheld devolution devices, and they defeat Koopa by devolving him into a Tyrannosaurus rex, then primeval slime. Daisy's father is evolved back to normal and regains his position. The citizens celebrate and immediately destroy anything involving Koopa. Daisy decides to stay in Dinohattan and kisses Luigi goodbye as she opens the portal for him and Mario to return home. Three weeks later, the Mario brothers are heralded as heroes. Daisy arrives at Mario and Luigi's apartment in Brooklyn and asks them to help her on a new mission. In a post-credits scene, two Japanese businessmen approach Iggy and Spike for permission to develop a video game based on their experiences; they christen the game Super Koopa Cousins.

Zane Zaminsky and Calvin, radio astronomers employed by SETI, detect and record an extraterrestrial radio signal from Wolf 336, a star located 14 light-years away from Earth. Zane reports his discovery to his supervisor, Phil "Gordi" Gordian, at the NASA Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL), but Gordi dismisses the findings and later destroys the tape. Zane is terminated due to alleged budget cuts and blacklisted, which prevents him from working at other telescopes. While having troubles with his girlfriend Char, Zane takes up a job as a television satellite dish installer and secretly creates his own telescope array with the aid of his customers' dishes in the neighborhood. He operates it covertly from his attic with the assistance of his young next-door neighbor, Kiki. After again locating the extraterrestrial radio signal, Zane realizes that it is being drowned out by a terrestrial signal originating from a Mexican radio station. He attempts to seek the help of Calvin but finds that he has died, supposedly due to carbon monoxide poisoning (though he was actually murdered). Zane travels to Mexico and discovers that the radio station has just been destroyed by fire. Exploring the area, he stumbles upon a recently constructed power plant where he meets Ilana Green, a climatologist from NCAR, whose atmospheric analysis equipment is confiscated by the plant's aggressive security forces. Before they are released from the plant, Zane notices that one of the guards resembles Gordi. Ilana explains that the Earth's temperature has rapidly increased by a few degrees, leading to the melting of polar ice and a shift in the ecosystem. She is investigating the power plant, which seems to be one of several recently built facilities across the world that may be responsible for the rise in temperature. As Zane and Ilana regroup, Gordi dispatches agents disguised as gardeners to release a device in Zane's attic that makes his equipment vanish. Zane leaves Ilana at the hotel and goes to investigate the power plant, but scorpions planted in her room kill her. Sneaking into the power plant, Zane discovers it is a facade for an extraterrestrial base. The aliens blend in with humanity by wearing an external skin, and the base emits massive amounts of greenhouse gases. Zane escapes and returns to the nearby town to seek help from the local inspector. However, the aliens bring Ilana's body to the police station, implicating Zane as a suspect in her death, prompting him to flee back to the United States. Zane confronts Gordi at the JPL headquarters and coerces him into confessing that the aliens are raising Earth's temperature to eliminate the human race and create a more livable environment for themselves (like terraforming). Gordi suggests aliens were behind the recent NASA failures; inquiring, "Ask yourself why an antenna won't deploy on a deep-space probe. Or ask how they could launch a $6 billion telescope without testing its mirror." Zane secretly records the conversation and reveals the recording to Gordi, who dispatches agents to apprehend Zane. Returning home, Zane discovers that his attic has been emptied of all equipment. He enlists the help of Char and Kiki to journey to a radio astronomy array with the intention of sending his recording to a news satellite. Gordi and his agents sabotage the telescope controls, so Zane entrusts the tape to Kiki and instructs him to transmit it when given the signal. Zane and Char run to the telescope's base, lock themselves in the control room, and make the necessary adjustments. When Zane orders Kiki to activate the tape, Kiki reveals himself to be an alien agent and unlocks the door. Gordi enters and seizes the tape. Zane subdues Gordi and his agents with liquid nitrogen. While retrieving the tape from Gordi's jacket, one of the agents accidentally releases a sphere that begins to engulf the room. Zane and Char flee upward through the radio telescope station's access shaft before the device causes the base to implode and the antenna to collapse onto it. From their vantage point on the antenna, they spot Kiki below and tell him to inform the other aliens that Zane will soon broadcast the tape.

Ahmed ibn Fahdlan is a court poet of the Abbasid Caliph Al-Muqtadir of Baghdad until his amorous encounter with the wife of an influential noble gets him exiled as an "ambassador" to the Volga Bulgars. Traveling with his father's old friend, Melchisidek, his caravan is saved from Tatar raiders by the appearance of Norsemen. He takes refuge at their settlement on the Volga River, and communications are established through Melchisidek and Herger, one of the Norsemen, who happens to speak Latin. From Herger, both learn that the celebration being held by the Norsemen is in fact the precursor to a funeral for their recently deceased king. Herger also introduces them to one of the king's sons, Buliwyf. Ahmed and Melchisidek witness a fight in which Buliwyf kills his brother in self-defense, which establishes Buliwyf as heir apparent. That is followed by the funeral of the dead king, who is traditionally cremated on a Viking ship, set adrift with a female slave who offers to sacrifice herself and accompany him to Valhalla, the Norse afterlife (or " heaven "). The next day, the young Prince Wulfgar enters the camp to request Buliwyf's aid; his father, King Hrothgar, has asked for assistance, as his lands in the far north are under attack from an ancient evil so frightening that even the bravest warriors dare not name it. A völva (wisewoman) identifies this as the "angel of death" and says that the mission will be successful but only if thirteen warriors face this danger, and the thirteenth must not be a Norseman. Ahmed is automatically and unwillingly recruited. Ahmed is initially treated indifferently by the Norsemen, but they mock his smaller Arabian horse. However, he earns a measure of respect with a demonstration of horsemanship, his ability to write, and by quickly learning their language as he starts mentally translating it into Arabic. Buliwyf, already himself a polyglot, asks Ahmed to teach him the Arabic script, which cements their mutual goodwill. Buliwyf sees Ahmed's analytic ways as an asset to their quest. Reaching Hrothgar's kingdom, they confirm that their foe is indeed the ancient " Wendol ", fiends who come with the mist to kill and take human heads. While the group searches through a raided cabin, they find a Venus figurine, which is said to represent the " Mother of the Wendol ". On the first night, the warriors Hyglak and Ragnar die. After a string of clashes, Buliwyf's band determines that the Wendol are human cannibals, who are clad to appear like bears, live like bears, and think of themselves as bears. The warriors' numbers dwindling, having also lost Skeld, Halga, Roneth, and Rethel, and their positions all but indefensible, they consult another völva of the village. She tells them to track the Wendol to their lair and destroy their leaders, specifically the " Mother of the Wendol ", and their warlord, who wears "the horns of power". Buliwyf and the remaining warriors infiltrate the Wendol caves and kill the Mother but not before Buliwyf is scratched deeply across the shoulder by a claw attached to her hand, dipped in poison. Ahmed and the last of the Norse warriors escape the caves but without the injured Helfdane, who opts to stay behind and fight. They return to the village to prepare for a last stand. Buliwyf staggers outside before the battle and inspires the warriors with a Viking prayer for the honored dead who will enter Valhalla. Buliwyf succeeds in killing the Wendol warlord, defeats them, and succumbs to the poison. Ahmed witnesses Buliwyf's royal funeral alongside the four surviving members of the 13 (Herger, Weath, Edgtho, and Haltaf) before returning to his homeland, grateful to the Norsemen for helping him to "become a man and a useful servant of God".

A singing narrator, Jonathan, introduces us to the story: in 1985, a high school student in Cumberland, Rhode Island, Ted Stroehmann, admires fellow student Mary Jensen from a distance. After Ted stands up to bullies to protect her developmentally disabled brother Warren, Mary asks Ted to the prom, as she has broken up with her boyfriend, Woogie. On the night of the prom, Ted gets his genitals caught in his fly. Ted is taken to the hospital and misses the prom. After that, Mary moved away, and Ted lost contact. 13 years later, Ted is a writer and thinks about Mary constantly. His best friend, Dom Woganowski, refers Ted to a private investigator, Pat Healy, to track her down. Pat discovers that she's an orthopedic surgeon living in Miami with Warren. After seeing Mary, Pat also becomes fixated on her. He lies to Ted about Mary, to try to disgust him and discourage him from contacting Mary. Pat moves to Miami, where he spies on Mary, and uses the information to charm her into dating him. Ted finds out that Pat lied about Mary. While driving to Miami to find Mary, he picks up a hitchhiker. Ted is mistakenly arrested for soliciting sex at a rest stop when he stops to urinate, and is charged with murder when the hitchhiker leaves a bag with body parts in his car. Ted is released after the hitchhiker confesses. Ted arrives in Miami with Dom, who picked him up from jail after seeing the arrest on TV. Ted finds Mary in Miami. He finds out that she's changed her name to Mary Matthews in order to evade a stalker. He asks her to dinner and she accepts. Mary stops dating Pat after her disabled friend, Tucker, shows her what he says are police records of Pat's criminal past, including murder. Pat follows Tucker and confronts him, discovering that he can walk, and that he's actually a pizza delivery boy named Norm, who is also stalking Mary. Dom advises Ted to masturbate before his dinner date with Mary to calm his nerves. When he answers the door to meet Mary, Ted doesn't notice that his ejaculate is stuck to his ear. Mary assumes the semen is hair gel, and puts it in her bangs. The date goes well and they continue to see each other, while Pat and Norm attempt to sabotage Ted by drugging Mary's neighbor Magda's dog with speed. Mary dumps Ted after she gets an anonymous letter revealing that Ted hired Pat to find her. Ted confronts Pat, who denies sending the letter. Dom shows up in Mary's apartment and admits he wrote the letter. Dom is revealed to be Mary's ex-boyfriend "Woogie" and the stalker that she changed her identity to evade. Norm and Pat, listening outside, hear Dom struggling to steal Mary's shoes, and intervene. Ted shows up with Brett Favre, another ex-boyfriend of Mary's whom she left based on Norm's lies. Ted declares that he can accept that he's no better than the other stalkers and that Mary should be with Brett. Ted leaves in tears. He's followed out by Mary, who has decided she'd be happiest with Ted. They kiss. Magda's boyfriend uses a sniper rifle to attempt to shoot Ted, as he's also infatuated with Mary and is only using Magda to get close to her. He misses, but hits the singing narrator, Jonathan.

Following the successful cloning of Dolly the sheep in the 1990s, artificial cloning of animals has become commonplace by 2015. Human cloning is prohibited by " Sixth Day " laws, following a botched attempt. Charter pilot Adam Gibson is hired for a snowboarding excursion by Michael Drucker, billionaire owner of cloning corporation Replacement Technologies, who requires him to undergo a seemingly routine drug test. When Adam's wife informs him that their daughter's dog has died, he reluctantly visits one of Drucker's “RePet” cloning stores, while his partner Hank poses as Adam and flies Drucker to the mountains, where they are killed by an assassin, Tripp. Buying a life-size animatronic “SimPal” doll for his daughter instead, Adam returns home to discover a clone of himself with his family. Before he can intervene, Adam is abducted by Marshall, Drucker's head of security, and his agents Talia, Vincent, and Wiley. Adam escapes, killing Talia and Wiley, and goes to the police but is believed to be an escaped mental patient. Drucker, somehow alive, assures reporters that he does not intend to have the Sixth Day laws repealed. However, he and his chief scientist, Dr. Griffin Weir, have secretly already perfected illegal human cloning and revive clones of Talia and Wiley. Adam breaks out of the police station and is forced to kill Wiley again, before finding Hank at his apartment, still alive. He brings Hank to his house and contemplates killing his clone but has second thoughts and reconsiders. Marshall and Talia arrive, forcing Adam to pose as his clone to send them away. Returning to his apartment, Hank is again killed by Tripp, who is shot by Adam. A dying Tripp reveals he is an anti-cloning extremist who assassinated Drucker, the latter being subsequently cloned along with Hank. Marshall and Talia arrive, but Adam escapes in their vehicle after shooting off Talia's fingers, taking her thumb to bypass the car's biometric lock. Adam uses the thumb to sneak into Replacement Technologies and confronts Dr. Weir, whose pursuit of cloning is driven by his wife Katherine's cystic fibrosis. She reveals to her husband that she knows she is the latest in a series of clones he has made in an attempt to cure her. Weir explains that the blood and vision tests Adam underwent scanned his DNA and memories — captured as a “syncording” — in the event he needed to be cloned. He reveals Drucker was secretly cloned after dying years earlier to maintain control of his fortune, as clones have no legal rights. Believing both Adam and Hank were killed alongside Drucker, Weir cloned them to return to their lives and cover up Drucker's murder and second cloning. Weir gives Adam the syncording proving Drucker has been cloned, warning that he may go after Adam's clone and family. Adam races to Clara's school recital, where Talia and Vincent have already abducted his wife and daughter. Coming face-to-face with his own clone, Adam reveals their situation and agrees to deliver the incriminating syncording to Drucker in exchange for his family. Weir confronts Drucker, who engineered the clones, including Katherine, with shortened lifespans as an insurance policy against betrayal. Drucker kills Weir, promising to resurrect him and Katherine as clones. Sending a decoy helicopter to be destroyed, Adam lands on Drucker's helipad and wreaks havoc until he is captured. Drucker reveals that Adam is actually the clone, proven by a marking inside his eyelid, but realizes the real Adam has also infiltrated the building. While the original Adam rescues his family, his clone fights off Drucker's agents, hanging Talia and drowning Marshall while Drucker himself kills Wiley for accidentally shooting him. The mortally wounded Drucker clones himself again, but the malfunctioning equipment creates a deformed, incomplete body. Adam and his clone escape in the helicopter with his family, destroying the facility and all its syncordings as Drucker's newest clone falls to his death. The real Adam arranges for his clone, who is discovered to not have a shortened lifespan like the other clones, to start a new life in Argentina, running a satellite office of their charter business. As a parting gift, the clone gives the family Hank's RePet cat, and the real Adam gives his clone a flying send-off.

Harold Crick is an Internal Revenue Service (IRS) agent living a solitary life of strictly scheduled routine in Chicago. On the day he is assigned to audit an intentionally tax-delinquent baker named Ana Pascal, Harold begins hearing the voice of a woman narrating his life. When his wristwatch stops working and he resets it using the time from a bystander, the voice narrates that this action will eventually result in Harold's death. Harold consults a psychiatrist, who suggests he see a literary expert if he believes there is a narrator. He visits literature professor Jules Hilbert, who initially dismisses him. However, he recognizes omniscient narrative devices in what Harold claims the voice said, and is intrigued. He tries to help Harold identify the author, and determine if his story is a comedy or tragedy. As Harold audits Ana, he develops an attraction to her, but when he obliviously rejects a gift of cookies because it could be considered a bribe, he takes it as a sign that he is in a tragedy. Jules tells Harold to spend the day at home doing nothing, and his living room is destroyed by a demolition crew that went to the wrong building. Jules takes such an improbable occurrence as proof that Harold is no longer in control of his own life, and advises he enjoy the time he has left, accepting whatever destiny the narrator has for him. Harold takes time off from work, learns to play guitar, moves in with his co-worker Dave, and starts dating Ana. When she begins to fall in love with him, he reevaluates his story as a comedy. While meeting with Jules, Harold sees a television interview with author Karen Eiffel, and recognizes her voice as his narrator's. Jules, an admirer of Karen's work, says that all of her books are tragedies: the protagonist always dies. Karen has been struggling with writer's block on her next book because she cannot figure out how to kill Harold Crick, but has had a breakthrough and has begun writing again. Harold telephones Karen and stuns her by accurately recounting her book to her. They meet in person, and she explains she has outlined the conclusion, but has not yet typed it in full. Her assistant, Penny, recommends that Harold read the outline, but he cannot bring himself to do so, and gives it to Jules. Jules deems it Karen's masterpiece to which Harold's death is integral, and he consoles Harold that death is inevitable, but this death will hold a deeper meaning. Harold reads the outline and returns it to Karen, telling her the death she has written for him is beautiful and he accepts it. He takes care of some errands, and spends his last night with Ana. The next morning, Harold goes about his routine again, as Karen writes and narrates. Karen reveals that when Harold reset his wristwatch, the bystander's time was three minutes fast, so he reaches the bus stop early that morning. A boy riding a bicycle falls in front of the bus; Harold runs into the street to save him, and is hit himself. However, Karen, traumatized by the idea that she unwittingly narrated real people to their deaths, cannot bring herself to finish the sentence declaring him dead. She meets Jules and offers him a revised ending. Harold, heavily injured, wakes up in a hospital, and learns that shrapnel from his wristwatch — which was destroyed in the collision — blocked his ulnar artery and saved him from bleeding to death. Jules thinks this new ending weakens the book. Karen replies that the book was about a man who did not know he was going to die, but if Harold knew and accepted his fate, he is the kind of person who deserves to live. Karen's narration closes the film over a montage of Harold's newly invigorated life, ending on the ruined wristwatch that saved his life.

Dawn O'Keefe is a teenage spokesperson for a Christian abstinence group, "The Promise". She frequently overhears her stepbrother Brad and his girlfriend Melanie arguing about his refusal to engage in vaginal intercourse, insisting on only having anal sex. One afternoon at a group meeting, Dawn is introduced to Tobey. Dawn, her friends Gwen and Phil, and Tobey begin going out as a group. Though Dawn and Tobey are attracted to each other, they initially agree they should not spend time alone together. However, they later give in and meet at a local swimming hole. After their swim, they enter a cave to get warm and begin kissing. Dawn becomes uncomfortable and tries to persuade Tobey to go back outside, but he becomes aggressive. When Dawn tries to push him off, he shakes her, smacking her head on the ground and dazing her. As Tobey attempts to rape her, but her vagina 'cuts' Toby's penis as it enters vagina, causing him to bleed and fall down the waters and die. A horrified Dawn flees the scene. After a Promise meeting, Dawn runs into her classmate Ryan at a dance. He drops her off at her home and asks her out on a date, but she declines. Dawn returns to the swimming hole and screams in horror when she sees a crab crawling on Tobey's severed penis. She drops her purity ring off a cliff. She then researches vagina dentata and realizes she may have it. She visits a gynecologist, Dr. Godfrey, but he assaults her during the examination, reaching up inside her without a glove. She panics and her vagina bites off four fingers on his right hand. On her way home, she sees several police vehicles passing her, as well as a car that resembles Tobey's. That evening, she returns to the pool to investigate. When she arrives, the police are bringing up Tobey's body. Dawn returns home to find her ailing mother, Kim, unconscious on the floor while Brad and Melanie are in his room having sex. Kim is taken to the hospital. Hysterical, Dawn goes to Ryan seeking help. Ryan gives her a sedative and stimulates her with a vibrator. Though initially afraid she will hurt him, she finds that when she is relaxed and consenting, her "teeth" do not engage. The following morning, they have sex again, but during intercourse, Ryan's friend calls. Ryan smugly boasts that he had made a bet with the friend that he could goad Dawn into sex. In her anger, her vagina bites off his penis and she leaves as he screams in agony. Dawn's stepfather Bill attempts to throw Brad out of the house, but Brad sets his pet Rottweiler on Bill, confessing his love for Dawn. Dawn meets Bill and Melanie at the hospital after her mother has died. Seeing her stepfather injured and hearing from Melanie how Brad told her to ignore her mother's cries for help, Dawn becomes emboldened by her power and goes home to seek revenge. She applies make-up and goes to Brad's room to seduce him. In the midst of the act, Brad recalls that when they were children, Dawn bit his finger, but it was not her mouth that bit him. As he realizes this, Dawn's vagina bites off his penis. She drops it on the ground and although Brad calls his dog to attack her, the animal instead eats the penis, spitting out the pierced glans. Dawn leaves despite his pleas for her to stay. Dawn cycles away from home, but her bicycle tire sustains a puncture, prompting her to hitchhike. She accepts a lift from an old man but falls asleep and wakes up after nightfall outside a convenience store. When she tries to exit his car, he repeatedly locks the doors while licking his lips. Dawn hesitates, then turns to the old man with a mischievous smile.

Former Green Beret and retired CIA officer Bryan Mills attempts to build a closer relationship with his 17-year-old daughter, Kim, who lives with her mother, Lenore, and her wealthy step-father, Stuart. While overseeing security at a concert for pop star Sheerah, Bryan saves her from a knife-wielding attacker. Sheerah gratefully offers to have her vocal coach assess Kim, an aspiring singer. Meanwhile, Kim needs Bryan's written permission to visit Paris with her friend, Amanda. Though concerned about Kim's safety, Bryan, pressured by Lenore, reluctantly agrees. At the airport, Bryan learns that Kim and Amanda are actually planning to follow U2 during their European tour. Upon arriving at Charles de Gaulle Airport, Kim and Amanda meet Peter, who offers to share a taxi. Kim and Amanda arrive at her cousins' apartment, where Kim unexpectedly finds that they are vacationing in Spain. While talking with Bryan on her cell phone, Kim sees men entering the apartment and abducting Amanda. Upon instructions from her father, Kim yells out her captor's descriptions as she is taken. Bryan tells the kidnappers that he will avoid pursuing them if they release Kim, but threatens them with death if they fail to comply. The listener only replies, "good luck", and terminates the call. Bryan's former colleague, Sam, deduces the kidnappers belong to an Albanian sex trafficking ring, and identifies the recorded voice as mob boss Marko Hoxha. Based on previous abductions, if Kim is not found within 96 hours, it is not likely Bryan will find her again. Bryan flies to Paris. At the apartment, he finds Kim's phone and checks the photos, identifying Peter, the spotter, in a reflection. Bryan locates and apprehends Peter at the airport attempting to lure another young victim, but Peter breaks free after one of his associates attacks Bryan. In the ensuing pursuit, Peter inadvertently walks into oncoming traffic and is killed by an oncoming truck. With his only lead dead, Bryan contacts Jean-Claude Pitrel, an ex- DGSE agent turned National Police officer. Jean-Claude informs him about the local red-light district where the Albanians operate but warns Bryan to avoid getting involved. Bryan plants a listening device on an Albanian pimp, and with help from a hired translator, is led to a makeshift brothel in a construction yard. He rescues a drugged young woman who has Kim's denim jacket, causing a violent gunfight that kills several sex traffickers. Bryan takes the woman to a hotel and improvises her detoxification. The next morning, the woman informs Bryan about a safehouse where she and Kim were kept. Posing as Jean-Claude, Bryan infiltrates under the pretence of renegotiating the police protection rate. When Bryan identifies Marko by his voice, the meeting erupts into a fight, which results in several terrorists being killed. Searching the house, Bryan finds Amanda, who died from overdose. Bryan tortures Marko with electricity into revealing that virgins like Kim are sold on the black market, identifying her buyer as crime syndicate terrorist Patrice Saint-Clair. Bryan leaves Marko to die from continuous electrocution. After a vicious confrontation with Jean-Claude over his corruption in order to disclose Saint-Clair's location, Bryan infiltrates a clandestine sex slave auction occurring beneath Saint-Clair's mansion. Witnessing Kim as the last sale, Bryan forces an Arab bidder to purchase her but is subsequently caught and subdued. Saint-Clair orders him killed, but Bryan breaks loose and eliminates all the henchmen; a mortally wounded Saint-Clair reveals Kim was delivered to a nearby yacht before Bryan murders him. Boarding the vessel, Bryan eliminates the bodyguards and breaks into a bedroom where a sheikh is holding Kim at knifepoint. He kills the sheikh and saves Kim. They return to the US and are reunited with Lenore and Stuart. Bryan surprises Kim by taking her to visit Sheerah.