10-year-old Danny Madigan lives in a crime-ridden area of NYC with his widowed mother, Irene. Following his father's death, Danny takes comfort in watching action movies, especially a series featuring L.A. cop Jack Slater, at a condemned movie theater. Nick, the theater's owner and projectionist, gives Danny a golden ticket once owned by Harry Houdini and invites him to watch an early screening of its latest installment, Jack Slater IV. During the film, the ticket stub transports Danny into the fictional world, interrupting Slater during a car chase. Slater takes Danny to LAPD headquarters, where Danny points out evidence of Slater's fictional world, such as the presence of numerous attractive women and a cartoon cat detective named Whiskers. Danny says that Slater's friend John Practice should not be trusted as he "killed Mozart " (since he is played by the same actor as Antonio Salieri in Amadeus). Though Slater dismisses this as Danny's imagination, Slater's supervisor, Lieutenant Dekker, assigns Danny as his partner and instructs them to investigate criminal activities related to mafia boss Tony Vivaldi. Danny guides Slater to Vivaldi's mansion, recognizing its location from the start of the movie. There, they meet Vivaldi's henchman, Mr. Benedict. Vivaldi and Benedict killed Slater's second cousin, but Slater has no evidence and is forced to leave with Danny; however, Benedict is curious as to how Danny knew, and he and several hired guns follow Slater and Danny back to Slater's home. There, Slater, his daughter Whitney, and Danny thwart the attack, though Benedict gets the ticket stub and discovers that it can transport him into the real world. Slater deduces Vivaldi's plan to murder the rival mob by releasing a lethal gas. He and Danny go to stop it, but are waylaid by Practice, who reveals that Danny was right: he is working for Vivaldi. Whiskers kills Practice, saving Slater and Danny, who prevent any deaths from the gas release. After Vivaldi's plan fails, Benedict kills him and uses the stub to escape into the real world, pursued by Slater and Danny. Slater becomes despondent upon learning the truth, but cheers up after spending time with Irene. Meanwhile, Benedict devises a plan to kill the actor portraying Slater in the movie, Arnold Schwarzenegger, bring other movie villains into the real world, and take over. To help, Benedict brings the Ripper, the villain of Jack Slater III, to Jack Slater IV 's premiere to assassinate Schwarzenegger. Slater saves Schwarzenegger and kills the Ripper. Benedict shoots Slater, critically injuring him. Danny disarms Benedict, allowing Slater to shoot Benedict in his explosive glass eye, killing him; however, the blast causes the stub to be lost. With Slater losing blood, Danny knows he can save him by returning him to the fictional world, where his injury will become a flesh wound. The ticket stub falls in front of a theater playing The Seventh Seal, where the Figure of Death emerges from the screen. Death is curious: Jack Slater is missing from his lists of when people will die, and Danny is slated to die as a grandfather. Death then suggests searching for the other half of the ticket. Danny finds it and takes Slater back into his movie, where his wounds instantly heal. Danny returns to the real world before the portal closes. A recovered Slater embraces the true nature of his reality, appreciating the differences between the two worlds. Danny and Nick bond while reminiscing on their past, while Slater drives away on the screen, waving goodbye.

Louden Swain is a wrestler at Thompson High School who has just turned 18 years old. He has decided that he needs to do something truly meaningful in his life. He embarks on a mission or, in a Native American term, a vision quest. His goal is to drop two weight classes to challenge the area's toughest opponent, Brian Shute, a menacing three-time state champion from nearby rival Hoover High School, who has never been defeated in his high school career. In his zeal to drop from 190 pounds (86 kilograms) to 168 pounds (76 kg), against the wishes of his coach and teammates, he disrupts the team around him and creates health problems of his own. Meanwhile, his father has taken on a boarder named Carla from Trenton, New Jersey, who is passing through on her way to San Francisco. Louden falls in love with her and begins to lose sight of his goals as a wrestler. Worse, his drastic weight loss culminates in an unhealthy situation, where he gets frequent nosebleeds which, Louden assumes, is due to a lack of iron in his diet (and results in him having to forfeit a match he was winning). The two finally admit their love for each other, but Carla realizes she is distracting him from his goals. Carla decides to move out and continue on to San Francisco, but not before seeing Louden's big match, in which he makes a comeback from losing and pins Shute in the final seconds with an O-Goshi (over-under hip toss). As Louden celebrates his victory, he monologues to the audience "...I guess that's why we got to love those people who deserve it like there's no tomorrow. 'Cause when you get right down to it—there isn't."

Austrian research geneticist Dr. Alex Hesse and his OB / GYN colleague Dr. Larry Arbogast invent a fertility drug, "Expectane", designed to reduce the chances of a miscarriage. With the drug unapproved by the FDA, the colleagues are not authorized to test it and are unable to continue their research. Noah Banes, the director of the laboratory, informs Larry that while the FDA denied human experimentation, the team has received a donation from geneticist Dr. Diana Reddin from the ovum cryogenics department. Alex plans to start over in Europe, but Larry suggests they can still perform the experiment, with Canadian firm Lyndon Pharmaceutical offering to fund them provided they find a volunteer. Alex questions the likelihood of a pregnant woman taking an unapproved drug, but Larry suggests omitting the volunteer's gender and convinces him to impregnate himself with an ovum codenamed "Junior". That night, Alex dreams his potential offspring has his own face. As weeks go by, he complains to Larry of morning sickness and sore nipples, and chats incessantly about walks, massages, and naps. Contemplating fatherhood after watching television commercials, Alex breaks down sobbing. When the time comes for Alex to end the experiment and release the results to Lyndon Pharmaceutical, he continues taking the drug as he has decided to carry the pregnancy to term; initially annoyed, Larry agrees to keep it hidden. Alex develops a relationship with Diana, and reveals his pregnancy to Angela, Larry's ex-wife, who also happens to be pregnant by Aerosmith 's personal trainer. Diana is stunned and angry when it is revealed that the "Junior" ovum is hers, and Banes attempts to take credit for the experiment. Disguised as a woman, Alex hides in a retreat for expectant mothers, blaming his masculine appearance on anabolic steroid use. Diana visits Alex at the resort and the two reconcile, telling each other it does not matter who is pregnant because she is the mother and he is the father. Larry reveals the experiment's data to Lyndon Pharmaceutical, who agree to partner with them. Alex experiences abdominal pain from the start of labor, calling for Larry and Diana. As Diana rushes to the resort, Larry tells a fellow doctor to prepare for an emergency c-section. A janitor overhears and alerts Banes, who summons the media, hoping to take credit for the world's first pregnant man. Warned by his colleague, Larry distracts the press by arriving with Angela, discrediting Banes, who is fired by the university president, while Diana and Alex enter the hospital by the fire escape. Larry and his colleague take Alex away for his operation: sent to keep Angela company in the waiting room, Diana finds her in labor and becomes her delivery coach. Alex gives birth to a healthy baby girl, and Larry announces the arrival to Diana, who is assisting Angela with contractions. Diana leaves Angela with Larry and rushes to see the baby, whom she and Alex name Junior. Larry delivers Angela's child and they reconcile to raise the boy, Jake, as their own. One year later, the families all go on vacation together and celebrate the birthdays of Junior and Jake. Diana is pregnant with their second child, and Angela mentions wanting another baby but not wishing to endure pregnancy again; at Alex's suggestion, they all try to convince a reluctant Larry to carry the child.

Doctor Dré and Ed Lover are two bumbling barbers at a Harlem barbershop. Knowing full well that cutting hair is not their calling, their boss, friend, and mentor Nick (Jim Moody) tells the two maybe they should try out for the police academy. They refuse at first, but Nick threatens them with unemployment. Crazily enough, it works out for the two, and they are accepted on the New York City police force. Things seem to be going well for them, when tragedy suddenly strikes, and they lose Nick and the barbershop. Now enforcers of the law, the team decides to investigate the incident, which they believe to be a murder. Ed and Dre find out through the streets that a crooked land developer named Demetrius (Richard Bright) might have had something to do with their friend's death, and proceed to attempt to dig up as much dirt on him as possible. This proves to be difficult, however, when they've got an angry Sergeant (Denis Leary), a moody detective (Rozwill Young), and a bunch of unwilling street hoods (Guru, Ice-T) to go through to get the information they need. Though there aren't any certain clues to be found, strange happenings are certainly going on, as the cops found out that Demetrius' company seems to be looking for oil rather than looking for property. With their superiors not believing Ed and Dre's story and getting themselves in trouble, they end up being suspended. However, they get a lead to a warehouse where they find a lot of guns. They have enough evidence to arrest Demetrius, but Demetrius didn't kill Nick. It was revealed that Nick's friend, Lionel, who was working for Demetrius had murdered him because Nick refused to sell his shop. Ed and Dre have Lionel arrested. Ed and Dre are offered their jobs back, but decided to quit, stating it's too violent for them. When they return to their old barbershop they discover oil coming from the floor. Soon after, they're back in business re-opening the place giving customers bad haircuts.

In 1992 Russia, music teacher Nikolay Chizhov moves into a communal apartment in St. Petersburg, where he discovers a mysteriously boarded-up window in his new room. During a housewarming party, he and his guests drunkenly descend from this window, believing it leads to the streets of St. Petersburg. Instead, they stumble upon a bar in Paris. The next day, Chizhov learns from a returning elderly resident that the window periodically opens to Paris for a few weeks every few decades. Realizing the limited time to access Paris, Chizhov's neighbor, Gorokhov, and his family begin cross-border ventures through the window, from selling souvenirs to transporting a Citroën 2CV into Russia. Alongside the whimsical exploits, Chizhov faces challenges in his career and personal life. After protesting the dismissal of music education at his school, he is fired, prompting a student strike in his support. He tries to find work in Paris, only to turn down an unusual gig at a nudist club. A romance develops between Chizhov and Parisian Nicole, whose apartment connects to the same rooftop as the magical window. When Gorokhov lures Nicole into Russia, she becomes lost and overwhelmed by the harsh realities of 1990s Russia before Chizhov ultimately helps her return to Paris. Later, fulfilling a promise to his students, Chizhov uses the window to show them Paris, but they miss the window's closing, forcing them to attempt a daring return to Russia by hijacking a plane. Months later, Chizhov and Gorokhov spot the old resident's cat emerging from a crack in the wall, sparking their hopes of reopening the path to Paris.

Dante Hicks and Randal Graves get a restraining order against Jay and Silent Bob, finally fed up with their drug dealing outside the strip mall where they work after Jay and Silent Bob tell a pair of teenagers that they were married in a Star Wars -themed wedding. Not allowed within 100 feet of the strip mall for at least a year, Jay and Silent Bob visit Brodie Bruce at his comic shop, where they learn that Miramax Films is adapting Bluntman and Chronic, the comic book based on their likenesses. The pair visit Holden McNeil, co-creator and co-writer of Bluntman and Chronic, and demand that he give them their royalty money from the film, but Holden explains he sold his half of the rights to co-creator and artist Banky Edwards. Seeing the film's negative reception online, the pair set out for Hollywood to prevent the film from ruining their image, or at least to receive the royalties owed to them. En route, they befriend an animal liberation group: Justice, Sissy, Missy, Chrissy, and Brent. The organization is a front; Brent is a patsy, who will free animals from a laboratory as a diversion while the girls rob a diamond depository. Jay throws Brent out of their van to get closer to Justice, to whom he is attracted. Justice is fond of the pair, but reluctantly accepts them as new patsies. While the girls steal the diamonds, Jay and Silent Bob free the animals, stealing an orangutan named Suzanne. They escape as the police arrive and the van explodes, believing the girls have perished. Federal Wildlife Marshal Willenholly (whose name is taken from Will and Holly Marshall, the child characters on Land of the Lost) arrives at the crime scene; oblivious to the diamond heist, he claims jurisdiction due to the escaped animals, all of which have been recovered but Suzanne. The police find footage of a video Sissy made of Jay claiming to be "the clit commander", with "Clit" edited to be an acronym for the Coalition for the Liberation of Itinerant Tree-Dwellers. Willenholly declares the crime an act of terrorism and calls for backup to hunt "the two most dangerous men on the planet." He finds Jay and Silent Bob at a diner near Vasquez Rocks, and chases them into the sewer system of a nearby dam. Suzanne helps the duo in losing Willenholly by luring him off the dam, but is subsequently abducted by a Hollywood animal acting agency. The duo then hitch a ride and arrive in Hollywood, and eventually, the Miramax lot. Chased by a team of security guards through the lot and several movie sets, including Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season, and reclaiming Suzanne from the set of Scream 4, Jay and Silent Bob end up in the dressing room of Jason Biggs and James Van Der Beek, the actors playing Bluntman and Chronic, respectively, in the film. Suzanne beats up the actors, knocking them out, and Jay and Silent Bob assume the roles while Van Der Beek and Biggs are arrested after getting mistaken for the duo. Meeting the film's anti-white director Chaka Luther King, who mistakes them for Biggs and Van Der Beek's stunt doubles, Jay and Silent Bob are then escorted onto the set and forced to fight Mark Hamill, playing the supervillain of the film Cocknocker (a combination of Hamill's roles as The Joker, The Trickster, and Luke Skywalker) in a Star Wars -esque battle. Willenholly, armed with a shotgun, arrives to capture the pair, but Justice protects them, admitting the CLIT organization was only a diversion. The other thieves arrive and a climactic gun fight ensues. Jay and Silent Bob locate Banky and demand that he shut down production of the movie. Banky refuses on account of both the large sum of money Miramax offered him for the film and that the internet will continue to troll them regardless. Silent Bob then informs Banky that he violated their original likeness rights contract by selling the film rights of Bluntman and Chronic to Miramax without their permission, and therefore could face legal trouble if he withholds their royalties. Banky finally relents and agrees to give the duo half of his payment for the film. Justice then turns herself and her former team in to Willenholly in exchange for a shorter sentence and dropping the charges on Jay and Silent Bob. The duo spend their royalty money locating everyone who mocked them, their characters, and the movie on the internet, including children and members of the clergy, and travel to assault them. The scene cuts to the El Rey theater, where a bunch of people exit, including Dante, Randal, Banky, Steve-Dave Pulski, Walt "The Fanboy" Grover, Willam Black, Hooper LaMonte, and sisters Alyssa and Tricia Jones, having just watched the Bluntman and Chronic movie, to poor reception. Jay and Silent Bob, accompanied by Justice and Willenholly (now an FBI agent), go across the street to enjoy the afterparty, featuring a performance from Morris Day and The Time. After the credits, God (Dogma) closes the View Askewniverse book.

The story centres mainly upon six characters: Gordon (a Lieutenant of the Royal Scots Fusiliers); Audebert (a French Lieutenant in the 26th Infantry and reluctant son of a general); Horstmayer (a Jewish German Lieutenant of the 93rd Infantry); Father Palmer (a Scottish priest working as a chaplain and stretcher-bearer); and two famous opera stars, German tenor Nikolaus Sprink (based on Walter Kirchhoff) and his Danish fiancée, mezzo-soprano Anna Sørensen. The film begins with scenes of schoolboys reciting patriotic speeches that both praise their countries and condemn their enemies. In Scotland, two young brothers, Jonathan and William, join up to fight, followed by their priest, Father Palmer, who becomes a chaplain. In Germany, Sprink is interrupted during a performance by a German officer announcing a reserve call up. French soldier Audebert looks at a photograph of his pregnant wife, whom he has had to leave behind (in the occupied part of France, just in front of his trench), and prepares to exit into the trenches for an Allied assault on German lines. However, the assault fails, with the French and British taking many casualties while William loses his life. In Germany, Anna gets permission to perform for Crown Prince Wilhelm, and Sprink is allowed to accompany her. They spend a night together and then perform. Afterward, Sprink expresses bitterness at the comfort of the generals at their headquarters and resolves to go back to the front to sing for the troops. Sprink initially opposes Anna's decision to go with him, but he agrees shortly afterward. The unofficial truce begins when the Scots begin to sing festive songs and songs from home, accompanied by bagpipes. Sprink and Sørensen arrive on the German front line, and Sprink sings for his comrades. As Sprink sings " Silent Night ", he is accompanied by Father Palmer's bagpipes from the Scottish front line. Sprink responds to Palmer and exits his trench with a small Christmas tree, singing " Adeste Fideles ". Following Sprink's lead, Audebert, Horstmayer, and Gordon meet in no-man's-land and agree on a cease-fire for the evening. The various soldiers meet and wish each other "Joyeux Noël", "Frohe Weihnachten", and "Merry Christmas". They exchange chocolate, champagne, and photographs of loved ones. Horstmayer gives Audebert back his wallet containing a photograph of his wife, which was lost in the attack a few days prior, and they connect over pre-war memories. Father Palmer celebrates a brief Mass for the soldiers (in Latin as was the practice in the Catholic Church at that time), and the soldiers retire deeply moved. However, Jonathan remains totally unmoved by the events around him, choosing to grieve for his brother. The following morning, the Lieutenants agree to extend the truce to allow each side to bury their dead, followed by cordial fraternisation for the rest of the day. As their soldiers play football, Audebert and Horstmayer sympathise, speaking in French of their memories of Paris and Lens, and their families. Horstmayer offers to take a letter to Lens for Audebert's wife. The next day, as the German forces shell the Allied position, Horstmayer offers to shelter the French and British soldiers in his trench, an offer Audebert and Gordon return to protect the Germans from their own retaliatory bombing. Before parting, aware that the truce has now truly ended, Audebert and Horstmayer lament that they cannot be friends, and hope that they both survive the war. As Audebert compliments Horstmayer on his French, the German reveals that his wife is French. Prior to the bombing, Horstmayer learns that Anna and Sprink left without the German superior's assent to entertain fellow front soldiers and informs both that Sprink is going to be arrested for disobedience. As the Germans regain their trenches, Anna and Sprink remain behind and ask Audebert to take them as captives, in order to avoid separation. Letters that they hand over to him from the German soldiers (who had been hoping Anna would deliver them when she returned to Berlin), as well as letters from soldiers all across the front, are intercepted by military authorities, revealing that the truce had occurred. Father Palmer is being sent back to his own parish and his battalion is disbanded as a mark of shame. Despite emphasising the humanity and goodwill of the truce, he is rebuked by the bishop, who then preaches an anti-German sermon to new recruits, in which he describes the Germans as inhumane and commands the recruits to kill every one of them. Father Palmer overhears the sermon and removes his cross as he leaves. Back in the trenches, the Scots are ordered by a furious English major (who is angered by the truce) to shoot a German soldier who is entering no-man's-land and crossing towards French lines. All of the soldiers deliberately miss in response, except the bitter Jonathan, who shoots the targeted German soldier. Audebert, hearing the familiar alarm clock ringing outside, rushes out and discovers that the soldier is a disguised Ponchel, his batman. With his dying words, Ponchel reveals he gained help from the German soldiers, visited his mother, and had coffee with her. He also informs Audebert that he has a young son named Henri. Audebert is punished by being sent to Verdun, and he receives a dressing down from his father, a general. In a culminating rant, young Audebert upbraids his father, expressing no remorse at the fraternisation at the front, and his disgust for civilians and superiors who talk of sacrifice but know nothing of the struggle in the trenches. He also informs the general about his new grandson Henri. Moved by this revelation, the general then recommends they "both try and survive this war for him". Horstmayer and his troops, who are confined in a train, are informed by the German Crown Prince that they are to be shipped to the Eastern Front, without permission to see their families as they pass through Germany. He then stomps on Jörg's harmonica and says that Horstmayer does not deserve his Iron Cross. As the train departs, the Germans start humming a carol they learnt from the Scots. (The carol in question, " L'Hymne des Fraternisés " / "I'm Dreaming of Home", is in fact a modern composition by Lori Barth and Philippe Rombi.)

In the Valley of Peace province of Ancient China, the red panda Master Shifu learns from his mentor, the tortoise Master Oogway, that the snow leopard Tai Lung will escape from imprisonment and attempt to acquire the Dragon Scroll, an artifact said to grant limitless power. In response, Shifu sends warning to the guards at Tai Lung's prison to strengthen security and announces a tournament to dub one of his five students, collectively known as the "Furious Five", Tigress, Monkey, Crane, Viper, and Mantis, as the "Dragon Warrior", the prophesied hero worthy of reading the scroll. The announcement reaches Po, a giant panda and kung fu enthusiast who dreams of becoming a kung fu master himself, despite wishes from his goose father Mr. Ping for him to run their noodle restaurant and learn the secret ingredient of his "secret ingredient soup". Eager to see the Five, Po attempts to enter the tournament arena after arriving late and is eventually successful, but unintentionally lands in front of them during the awarding ceremony, causing Oogway to unexpectedly declare him as the Dragon Warrior. Shifu believes Oogway's choice to be an accident, leading him and the Five to dismiss and deride Po after a rough first day of training, leaving Po dejected and considering quitting. However, Oogway encourages him to persevere, and Po gradually befriends the Five with his resilience and humor. Tigress reveals to Po that Tai Lung was once Shifu's student, having raised him as an infant, and how Tai Lung's betrayal and subsequent rampage was a result of Oogway rejecting him as the Dragon Warrior after sensing malice within him. Tai Lung manages to break out of prison and begins his journey back to the Valley; when Shifu learns this and tells Oogway about it, Oogway makes him promise to believe in Po and names Shifu his successor before ascending to the Spirit Realm. Shifu then informs Po and the Five about Tai Lung's escape, stating Po is the only one who can stop him. Terrified, Po attempts to leave but is confronted by Shifu, who confesses that he does not know how he can turn him into the Dragon Warrior. Meanwhile, the Five depart to attempt to stop Tai Lung themselves, but are unsuccessful when he uses his paralysing nerve-strike technique on them. Shifu learns that Po can reach his full potential for physical feats when motivated by food, and so trains him in a unique kung fu style. When the wounded Five return, Shifu decides that Po is ready to read the Dragon Scroll, but upon opening it, Po discovers that it is blank. Thinking the scroll is powerless, Shifu sends Po and the Five to evacuate the Valley while he faces Tai Lung alone. A saddened Po reunites with Mr. Ping, who, in an attempt to lift his spirits up, reveals that the secret ingredient soup does not actually have a secret ingredient, stating that belief is what makes things special. Realizing that this is the Dragon Scroll's message, Po rushes back to help Shifu. Shifu battles Tai Lung and is brutally defeated, then Po arrives with the scroll and engages Tai Lung in combat. Tai Lung manages to obtain the scroll, but is similarly mystified by its contents. Enraged, he nerve-strikes Po, who is unaffected due to his body fat. Remembering his earlier training with Shifu, Po overpowers Tai Lung and vanquishes him with the "Wuxi Finger Hold" technique, which he had taught himself, and is hailed as a hero by the Valley.

Ambitious Los Angeles reporter Alison Scott lives with her sister Debbie and her family and has just been promoted to an on-air role with E!. Ben Stone is an immature and wisecracking Jewish Canadian slacker who lives off injury compensation funds and sparsely works on a celebrity pornographic website with his stoner roommates. While celebrating her promotion, Alison meets Ben at a local nightclub. After a night of heavy drinking, Ben and Alison have a one-night stand, and due to a miscommunication, Ben does not wear a condom. The following morning, they learn over breakfast that they have nothing in common, so they go their separate ways, leaving Ben disappointed. Eight weeks later, Alison experiences morning sickness while interviewing James Franco, and she realizes she could be pregnant. She takes multiple pregnancy tests and is shocked to discover that she is pregnant. She contacts Ben for the first time since their one-night stand to tell him. Although abrasive at first, he says he will support her. While Ben is still unsure about being a parent, his father is overjoyed. Alison's mother tries to persuade her to have an abortion, but she decides to keep the child. After getting to know one another more, Alison and Ben decide to give the relationship a chance. They become closer and prepare for their baby to arrive. Ben proposes with an empty ring box and promises to get Alison a ring someday. Alison thinks it is too early to think about marriage, as she is more concerned with hiding the pregnancy from her bosses, fearing they will fire her if they find out. Alison increasingly worries about Ben's lack of support and understanding, and doubts about their relationship's longevity. These thoughts are due to Debbie's loveless marriage. Debbie's husband, Pete, works as a talent scout for rock bands, but leaves at strange hours in the night, making her suspect he is having an affair. Upon investigating, she learns that he is part of a fantasy baseball draft and has been doing other activities such as going to the movies on his own, which he explains he does to be free from Debbie's manipulative manner. As a result, they separate, and when Ben expresses pride in Pete's deception, it leads to an argument with Alison as they drive to her doctor. Furious, she ejects him from her car, abandoning him in a busy street. He tracks her down at her appointment, and they have another argument, leading to their breakup. Ben and Pete go on a road trip to Las Vegas. Under the influence of psychedelic mushrooms, they realize their loss and decide to try to save their relationships. Simultaneously, Debbie drags a nervous Alison out partying with her, but they are refused admission to a nightclub by its sympathetic bouncer on account of Debbie's age and Alison's pregnancy. This leads to Debbie's tearful laments about her life and desire to have Pete back. They reconcile at their daughter's birthday party, but when Ben tries to work things out with Alison, she refuses to get back together. Alison's boss finds out about her pregnancy and sees an opportunity to boost ratings with female viewers by having her interview pregnant celebrities. After a talk with his father, Ben decides to take responsibility and makes a great effort to mature, including obtaining his apartment, getting an office job as a web designer, and reading pregnancy books. When Alison goes into labor and cannot contact her doctor, she calls Ben, as Debbie and Pete are out of town. After he discovers that Alison's gynecologist is at a Bar Mitzvah (despite emphatically insisting he never took vacations), Ben leaves him a profane voicemail. During labor, Alison apologizes for questioning Ben's priorities. When Debbie and Pete arrive at the hospital, Ben refuses to allow Debbie to be at Alison's side, insisting that it is his place. Debbie is incredulous and thankful that he took charge of the situation, and begins to change her formerly negative opinion of him. The couple welcomes a baby girl (a boy in the alternate ending) and starts a new life together.

Eva Khatchadourian, once a successful travel writer, lives alone in a rundown house and works in a travel agency near a prison, where she visits her son, Kevin, who has been convicted of mass-murdering students at his high school. As she copes with the hostility of her neighbors, she reflects upon her memories of raising him. Despite being a reluctant mother, Eva decides to start a family with her husband, Franklin, giving birth to Kevin. From childhood, Eva views Kevin as detached and difficult. He appears to loathe and deliberately antagonize Eva, who struggles to bond with him. As a baby, he cries incessantly, but only around her; as a child, he resists toilet training, rebuffs Eva's attempts at affection, and shows no interest in anything. He behaves like a happy, loving son in front of his father, Franklin, who dismisses Eva's concerns and makes excuses for Kevin's behavior. One day, Eva cannot handle her frustration with Kevin and throws him against the wall, breaking his arm. Kevin tells Franklin he fell. When he touches his scar on his arm, Eva believes he is using the incident to manipulate her. When Kevin is confined to bed with a fever, he shows affection towards Eva for the first time as she reads Robin Hood, though his spiteful behavior returns as soon as he recovers. Franklin gives Kevin a bow and arrow and teaches him archery. Sometime later, Eva gives birth to their second child, Celia, a lively and cheerful girl towards whom Kevin is instantly disdainful. A few years later, Celia's pet guinea pig mysteriously goes missing. Eva finds its remains in the garbage disposal the next day, which she unclogs with drain cleaner. Celia is blinded in one eye after being exposed to the cleaner while Kevin was tasked with watching her, requiring her to wear a glass eye in its place. Eva suspects Kevin injured his sister on purpose, but Franklin defends him. Tired of Eva's distrust of their son, Franklin discusses divorce with her, and Kevin overhears their conversation. Three days before his 16th birthday, Kevin uses bicycle locks to trap several students in the school gymnasium and murders them with his bow and arrows. After witnessing Kevin's arrest and the bodies of his victims being carried away, Eva returns home to discover that Kevin has murdered Franklin and Celia as well. On the second anniversary of the massacre, Eva visits Kevin in prison. His demeanor has changed to demure and frightened in anticipation of turning 18 and being transferred to an adult prison. Eva asks him why he committed the murders. Kevin responds that he used to think he knew but is no longer sure. An officer informs that the visit time is over. Eva embraces Kevin and leaves.

A woman named Jen Kornfeldt travels to Nice, France, with her parents after a break-up. She meets a man named Spencer Aimes and agrees to join him later for drinks. He sneaks aboard a boat, planting a bomb on a helicopter, then arrives for his date with Jen. When the helicopter takes off, Spencer triggers the bomb. After a night of drinking, Spencer reveals he is a professional assassin, unaware that Jen has fallen asleep. Despite his boss Holbrook's objections, Spencer quits contract killing and begins a relationship with Jen. He eventually asks her father Mr. Kornfeldt for his blessing to marry her. Three years later, Spencer and Jen have settled into married life. When she surprises him with tickets to Nice for his birthday, he is less than enthusiastic, which Jen's friends convince her is a sign he is bored with their relationship. Spencer receives a "romantic" postcard from Holbrook with an ultimatum to take another assignment. Trying to refuse the job over the phone, Spencer hangs up when Jen's father arrives, prompting suspicion; he also notices the postcard. Mr. Kornfeldt brings Spencer to a surprise birthday party, where the latter's distraction over the assignment strengthens Jen's doubts about his commitment. This is further fueled in the morning when he rushes Jen off on her business trip. Jen decides to return home and finds Spencer fighting off his best friend Henry, secretly a fellow assassin, who reveals a $20 million bounty has been placed on Spencer and that anyone in his life could be an assassin. A sniper opens fire on the house, and Spencer and Jen flee. They lead Henry on a car chase through the neighborhood and flip his car onto rebar, killing him. After the couple find Holbrook dead in his hotel room, Jen vomits and realizes she might be pregnant. At Spencer's office, she takes a pregnancy test, while he is attacked by his secretary, Vivian. But Spencer, with Jen's help, manages to kill her. Jen's test is positive, and despite Spencer's pleas, she drives off alone. Spencer is attacked by a delivery driver, who is run over and killed by one of Spencer's co-workers, Olivia. She then tries to run him over, but Jen returns and rams Olivia's car into a fuel tank, which Spencer shoots. The car explodes, killing Olivia in the process. Spencer and Jen discuss their future together and return home, evading next door neighbors Mac and Lily, who are also assassins. Making their way through the neighbourhood block party, they enter the house to retrieve Spencer's bug-out bag. Spencer subdues the neighbours, while Jen's best friend Kristen, yet another assassin, holds Jen's mother hostage in a Mexican standoff with Jen. Jen's father arrives and kills Kristen. In a standoff with Spencer, he reveals that he ordered the hit. Aware of Spencer's career all along, Mr. Kornfeldt explains that he was a former operative himself and had been Spencer's target in Nice; he embedded the assassins in Spencer and Jen's lives. The postcard from Holbrook led Mr. Kornfeldt to believe that Spencer had resumed his old job, so he activated the assassins. To prove he has truly left his old profession behind, Spencer drops his gun, assuring Mr. Kornfeldt he has no intention of killing him. Jen, now convinced, reveals her pregnancy to her parents. Her father, after killing one last assassin, drops his gun as well, and the family makes peace by building a trust circle. Months later, Spencer – growing a moustache to emulate Mr. Kornfeldt – and Jen leave her parents babysitting their baby boy, guarded by lasers.

Years ago, a young boy named Christopher Robin met and befriended a group of anthropomorphic creatures— Owl, Rabbit, Eeyore, Tigger, Kanga, Roo, Piglet and Winnie-the-Pooh —in the Hundred Acre Wood. Not long after, Christopher had to leave them for college; with the coming of winter and its lack of food, the starved creatures ate Eeyore. Traumatised by their actions, the others developed a hatred towards humans, including Christopher because he left them, and returned to their feral instincts, vowing never to speak again. Five years later, Christopher, now an adult, returns to the Hundred Acre Wood, accompanied by his fiancée Mary, and finds the place deserted. At night, the couple are ambushed by Piglet, who strangles Mary to death with a chain, before he and Pooh drag Christopher into the woods. Some time later, university students Maria, Jessica, Alice, Zoe, Lara, and Tina rent a cabin in the Hundred Acre Wood, so Maria can move on from a traumatizing stalking experience. Tina, lost in the woods, is attacked by Pooh. She hides in a nearby garage, but Pooh finds her and grinds her into a woodchipper. Later, back in his treehouse, Pooh whips Christopher with Eeyore's tail and showers him with Mary's blood. As night falls, Pooh and Piglet ambush the cabin. Pooh runs Lara's head over with a car before Piglet kills Zoe with a sledgehammer. Maria and Jessica arrive, watching Alice being abducted. They follow Pooh and eventually rescue Alice. Afterwards, the trio break into Pooh's treehouse, freeing Christopher from his chains, and another captive, Charlene. She explains her plan to get revenge on Piglet, who mutilated her face. Charlene summons Piglet, but he mauls her to death after Pooh subdues her. Pooh chases Maria and Jessica into the woods, but Alice stays behind and ambushes Piglet. After Alice knocks Piglet unconscious with his sledgehammer, Pooh arrives and fatally impales her with a knife through her open mouth. On the road, Maria and Jessica seek help from a group of local men passing by, whom Pooh easily slaughters. Maria attempts to run Pooh over with their pick-up truck but crashes, blacking out. Upon awakening, she witnesses Pooh dragging Jessica away, then decapitating her. Christopher suddenly appears and crushes Pooh between the truck and his car. Pooh barely survives, frees himself, grabs Maria and holds her at knifepoint. Christopher pleads for Pooh to release her, promising to stay with him forever. Pooh breaks his vow of silence by telling Christopher, "You left," then slashes Maria's throat. Seeing that his former friend is now beyond help, Christopher flees the woods as Pooh repeatedly stabs Maria's corpse in anger.