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Nothing But Trouble

While hosting a party in his Manhattan penthouse, financial publisher Chris Thorne meets beautiful lawyer Diane Lightson, and agrees to escort her to consult client Howard Suntz in Atlantic City the following day. Two of Chris's clients, boisterous Brazilian billionaire siblings Fausto and Renalda Squiriniszu, overhear Chris planning the road trip with Diane and invite themselves along. During the trip, the Squiriniszus urge Chris to take a scenic detour off the drab New Jersey Turnpike, which ultimately places them in the dilapidated village of Valkenvania. After running a stop sign and subsequently attempting to outrun pursuing chief of police Dennis Valkenheiser, the group is captured and taken before his 106-year-old grandfather, Judge Alvin "J.P." Valkenheiser. At their hearing, Chris's dismissive and disrespectful attitude offends Judge Valkenheiser, and the yuppies are locked in a hidden room under the courthouse to be judged the next day. They later overhear Judge Valkenheiser mercilessly executing a group of convicted drug dealers in a deadly roller coaster nicknamed "Mr. Bonestripper".

Invited upstairs for dinner, the quartet learns that Judge Valkenheiser is detaining them due to his deep and longstanding grudge against "bankers", which he considers Chris to be. Judge Valkenheiser explains that in 1917, a financier from New York swindled his grandfather into mining out the town in exchange for shares in the now defunct United Coke Company, subsequently impoverishing both the family and the town. The group attempts an escape, but Judge Valkenheiser's massive mute granddaughter Eldona captures Chris and Diane. The Squiriniszus escape by jumping through a window, and make it to the edge of the property before encountering a waiting Dennis. Noticing that Dennis seems stressed and overworked, the Squiriniszus talk him into abandoning his dead-end life and career by escaping with them.

A series of trick hallways and booby traps land Chris and Diane in an attic room filled with IDs and news clippings, where the couple discover that Judge Valkenheiser has been using the house to capture and terminate undesirables—especially bankers—since the 1890s. During another escape down a series of slides, Diane lands in the property's salvage yard, where she meets and befriends Judge Valkenheiser's severely deformed grandchildren Bobo and L'il Debbull, who are barred from living in the house. Chris, still in the house, sneaks into Judge Valkenheiser's bedroom to explore, but Judge Valkenheiser discovers and attacks him. While attempting to flee from Judge Valkenheiser, Chris collides with Eldona. Judge Valkenheiser ceases his attack and declares Chris must marry Eldona per "house policy".

Meanwhile, in the court room, the alternative rap group Digital Underground, having been arrested for speeding, is ordered by Judge Valkenheiser to verify their claim of being musicians, which they do with an impromptu performance. Delighted, Judge Valkenheiser acquits the band, but then asks them to stay behind as musicians and witnesses for the wedding. Chris initially cooperates in exchange for his life, but is later caught pleading with the group to help him escape. The band departs without understanding Chris's plight, and an enraged Judge Valkenheiser sentences him to execution via "Mr. Bonestripper". The machine breaks down just before Chris is fed into it, and he escapes unscathed into the junkyard. Judge Valkenheiser attempts to lure Chris by abducting and trapping Diane in another murderous contraption known as the Gradertine, but Chris distracts the Valkenheisers by setting off an explosion, proceeding to retrieve Diane at the last second before the pair escapes the premises via a passing freight train.

After Chris and Diane report their ordeal to the authorities, the police prepare a large-scale raid of Judge Valkenheiser's courthouse. Chris and Diane are asked to accompany the police to Valkenvania only to discover that the troopers involved are fully aware of and allied with Judge Valkenheiser due to his ability to swiftly handle undesirables. Just as the combined forces are about to dispatch Chris and Diane for knowing too much, the massive underground coal fires roar out of control, finally destroying the courthouse, and the duo successfully escapes from the ensuing chaos.

In Brazil, Dennis, now the Squiriniszus' personal security detail and Renalda's lover, vows to shield the siblings from harm. Back in New York, Diane awakens Chris to the news broadcast of the Valkenvania disaster. Chris spots Judge Valkenheiser rummaging through the debris where he announces that he and the rest of his family survived. Brandishing Chris's driver's license, Judge Valkenheiser announces that they plan to move in with "grandson" Chris, who panickily flees the scene, leaving a cartoonish hole in the wall.